is this a good "hitman" script?

[iCEbLuEORbitZ]

ok, so i'm going to be working on a new movie now, and its going to involve a hitman, with some action and car chase scenes, but i want to incorporate in some kind of drama. i want this movie to be not corny and cheesy, and i am not using any cg (i'm not good at it) and i think it just makes any amateur video cheesy. anyways, so i was thinking theres at least 3 or 4 main characters. jon, tom, heather, and the hitman. better names will be thought up. so, jon and heather are in a relationship and chris and jon are friends. chris starts to like heather, but she will not fall for him so he decides to kill jon, but he cant kill his friend so he hires a "hitman". the story goes on and the hitman chases down jon and eventually they end up face to face (the hitman has a face mask ofsome kind on) after some chasing and car scenes. you see them face to face and a gunshot goes off, and you dont know who shot who. then the scene changes to the hitman in the car, driving back to chris to pick up his money, and as he confronts chris he takes of his mask, and it is jon, who killed the hitman, and is there to take revenge on chris. he kills chris and then stays with heather. or, chris could be w/ heather when jon gets there so jon kills them both... what do you guys think? its just the basic idea and the events can be changed to make more sense etc. i just want some feedback of the main idea. thankss. heres some other mods/ideas i have. http://iamabanana0.tripod.com/scriptideas.doc

[iCEbLuEORbitZ]

ok, i talked to a bunch of my friends, and everyone likes this idea it seems like. its in the .doc file, but here it is:

so this guy is going out w/ this girl, but none of his friends really know who she is. all the sudden people around the town start to die. the guy starts to try to figure out who it is and from a series of clues finds out it was his g/f. he tries to tell every1 but they are like, dude she doesnt even exist i dont know what your talking about. then he does some research and she doesnt actually exist. he's confused and then finally he realizes it was him the whole time and the g/f was a mental thing he made up subconciously to cope w/ the fact that he was a murderer. what do you think??

[theChad]

tried to download it but it won't let me.

[xander-prd]

it sounds alot like that Johnny Depp movie. . .
The Secret Window i think it is.

It sounds like a really good idea, better than the first one anyway.

So the guy is like a schizo? Kills people but dont know it?

[iCEbLuEORbitZ]

yea that was my original idea... someone else told me that it sounded like secret window... but i did modify it quite a bit and now it has a good twist to it. i'll post the full script when i finish it maybe... but idk i dont want anybody to steal it... haha its gonna be good, and like 30 pages long.

[Vor]

sounds exactly like this one thriller, i dont wanna give up the name cause it would probably ruin the ending for anyone who hasnt seen it.....

[iCEbLuEORbitZ]

well the script i have now i think isnt quite exactly like any movie i've seen, but i dont really care because if it does sound like another movie, i didnt write it copying that movie becaues i didnt even know. besiseds i'm going to just try to do a movie that isnt just gunfighting the whole time with corney effects.

[windog]

we need more films with story line like yours!

[iCEbLuEORbitZ]

hey, anyone can use that original hitman script idea i gave in the first post, i'm doing something totally different now. its about a guy who meets this girl at a party, and hangs out w/ her a bunch. as the story progresses, people in the town start to die, and every1 is trying to figure out who it is. it has a sweet ending imo, and i'm 20 pages done w/ the script. it has no action and fighting, only one killing sceen, a lot of suspense and thinking, and drama. a little bit of gore, and some good partying scenes. it will have a good cast of 4 main characters, of which i know the main guy can act well, the girl, i dont know yet, i think she will do good, and then the other girl, i dont know, and i have to get someone for the 2nd guy. i am going to have about 20 ppl in the party scenes, and i'm getting a bunch of help from a dj to help with audio. (i got a free (borrowed) at-835b and mixer from the local cable studio) i've got a friend who makes all kinds of really good music to help me score a soundtrack, and tons of my friends are helping me.. so i think it will be very good! i just want to hype you guys up for it. i won't be giving any more info about the movie, as it will ruin it. so get readY!