FLOUR III: MIGGINS G.P.

[Faldor]

i don't normally do this because i like audiences to see my films as well films rather then words but i don't know when i'll get round to filming this so i figured i'd play the game differently this time. so without further ado here is the FIRST DRAFT of the third film of the FLOUR saga, no knolege of prior films is needed, even I've forgotten what happened in them

basically this is my take on 80s cop dramas and general cheese, i dont want to do the cliche thing with big hair, although i did have a dream about sidmouth pete having a mullet.

will post new drafts as and when they come
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Flour III:
Miggins G.P.

Written by
Martin Lejeune

FIRST DRAFT
01/08/05

FADE IN:

1. INT. BANK – DAY
We are in a bank in Exeter. There are a number of HOSTAGES tied and gagged. Two THUGS are emptying a safe oddly placed behind the counter, they are wearing black and white stripy jumpers and those things robbers wear round their eyes, like the teenaged mutant ninja turtles did. Anyway these are not mutant turtles they are bank robbers but they are not important. Their leader PROFFESOR FORESTREET a chemical weapons specialist who wears a lab coat. He picks up on of the hostages, a cleaner named MORRIS. Morris does not seem at all worried unlike the other hostages. The professor picks up him and de-gags him.

FORESTREET
What you so calm about Morris?

He saw Morris’ name on his badge.

MORRIS
Well you know it’s not really anything to be worried about!

FORESTREET
I Professor Forestreet, international chemical weaponist am holding up this bank and everyone in it to fund my chemical induced ways and will probably kill everyone here just for shits and giggles!

MORRIS
Yeah, but your not going to are ya?

FORESTREET
I am you know

MORRIS
Nah! He’ll be here in a minute.

FORESTREET
Who?

MORRIS
(Dreamily)
PC Gordon Miggins GP!

FORESTREET
Are you referring to the Policeman who trained as a general practioner when his police partner PC Roger Mike was shot in action but after four years of medical school was unable to revive him?

MORRIS
Yes. That’s the one! He works alone now and is moody.

FORESTREET
He’ll never stop me NEVER!

MORRIS
I have street smarts.

FORESTREET
What?

At this point MIGGINS enters, but not through the door, we hear a window smash then pan round to reveal him crouched after landing. He draws his gun and shoots out the THUGS.

THUG#1
Ouch!

THUG#2
MUMMY!

THUG#3
Father… help… please!

They are dead. PROFFESOR FORESTREET however is now nowhere to be seen but we do hear him through a window

FORESTREET
(Voice Over)
I’m jumping through the window!

2. EXT. FORESTREETS CAR - DAY
The PROFFESOR has landed through the open sunroof of his car and is now driving away. He puts on the radio which is playing cheesy 80s keyboard music.

3. INT. BANK – DAY
MIGGINS runs out the main door leaving MORRIS behind

4. INT. FORESTREETS CAR - DAY

FORESTREET
Ha I’m getting away with lots of money to fund my new chemistry set and my drugs habit! Bugger! Traffic lights!

5. INT. MIGMOBILE – DAY
Miggins gets in his undercover police car with optional flashing light. He turns it on and drives after the professor.

6. INT. FORESTREETS CAR - DAY

FORESTREET
Oh no! A group of druids is crossing the road, time to get out and climb over a fence!

7. INT. MIGMOBILE – DAY

MIGGINS
Ah ha! He’s pulling over

MORRIS
I can help you catching because I have street smarts.

MIGGINS
Eeek!

MORRIS
I used to be a milkman.

8. EXT. BACK ALLY – DAY
FORESTREET is running away with his bag of stolen money. The professor comes to a fence and can’t work out to get over it. The MIGMOBILE pulls over and MORRIS and MIGGINS get out and run after him.

FORESTREET
Oh no! I’m being chased

He picks up a nearby CARDBOARD BOX and uses it to climb over the fence, MIGGINS does the same but the box collapses.

MORRIS
I’ll give you a leg up!

Morris helps Miggins over the fence.

MIGGINS
How will you get over?

MORRIS
Oh I’ll think of something, I have street smarts.

9. EXT. ANOTHER ALLY - DAY

FORESTREET is running down a different alley, which is not the same one redressed.

FORESTREET
I think I’m going to get away! Then I can go home and play Tetris!

MIGGINS comes round the corner we pan round to reveal MORRIS.

MORRIS
Hello! Oooh look a dead end!

The professor is trapped.

FORESTREET
Oh bollocks! Oh look an experimental government jet pack
He puts it on and flies off in an unconvincing special effect.

MIGGINS
Come on, lets go down the pub.

MORRIS
Oh ok! Then I can tell you about my family problems and my struggles with alcoholism.

FADE OUT.

[Lawriejaffa]

Hi there!

Well i normally live in the members film section of the forum but i saw this post had no replies!!! Which just won't do!

Alright well first off, in terms of script structure its lovely enough except be wary (this is not so relative for your own scripts if they are being produced by yours truelly) that its better not to be so conversational in your langauge depicting script 'actions'

So for example,

Joe runs slowly, he is exhausted, (for he was having sex earlier that day)

Okay, terrible example, but also, it shows up another wee habit i see, which is informing the reader of events the script does not actually depict either by the time we read it (meaning after) or at all.

So bear in mind the script actions presumes no prior knowledge on the part of the reader, and should be formal, blunt, straight to the point and with few words as possible (in general) for it is certainly no narrative in the traditinal sense but a technical work document.

ANYWAY! lol to the story.

Right so its a classic 'alternative comedy' in the UK vain, with an element of python and i think, subversive punk comedy lol (quite 80s in other words.)

It was quite funny actually, so if you can pull off your locations, talent etc, i think you can achieve an amusing short film. Be careful it is not too 'self indulgent' for some of the dialogue may seem too er insidiocratic (what a typo) basically meaning (and i mean this in no bad way personally) that it may be funnier to you or your circle than to others. BUT and i say BUT only parts of the dialogue, small parts come across as that, and that is just my opinion.

If you suspect that may be the case, then the way to solve these issues, is to read over and over, and the first bits that make you go, (ugh, or seem contrived or are just the bits ur skipping) should be the first to go.

So my friend, good luck on your project, it might not be the newest of alternative comedies, but if produced, i certainly think it can be a fine and amusing film in its own right Good luck comrade

[Faldor]

Have you read any proffesional scripts or teleplays? they often have such little comments. i am writing for my self so as you say it dosent matter. thank you for pointing that out however, it made you sound important.

i take more of my insperation from spike milligan and goon show than python whilst they are lovely they are grossely over rated, theres far more alternative comedy then simply the holy grail. this was also inspired by Garth Marenghis Dark Place, a fantastic comedy which is unlikely to see a second series any time soon.

as for being self indulgent, i write for myself. it seems to work at amusing others so im not to bothered, if anyone dosent like it they can feel free to give me a budget and pitch me some scripts

thank you for the kind words on the script.

[El Brenty]

Punk was a 70's movement, not 80's.

[Clarence]

That was very funny, and very random (in a good way).

[Lawriejaffa]

I said punk comedy CamClub and not punk, but lol who cares that is far less relevant than even my beard!

Yeah i do read professional scripts, and they for submission are not colloquial (forgive the typo) or particularly informal so i mention it not to sound important my friend, just cos i know, also from the hard way, (try sending ur script for moola at the arts council of England, or Scottish Screen for £$£, tho they may be less polite hehe.

Of course your writing for yourself, but that relationship with your work ends the moment others have to read it, and watch the film product developed from it, hehe, so the warning of self indulgency is not meant to cause offence, it applies as much to me, the moon and yourself, in that especially with alternative comedy, to consider how well the humour affects others, not just yourself or your private circle, for often they can lend us to a false sense of security in comparison to the reaction of strangers.

Anyway get off yer a** and make the movie!!