Into the Garden

[UnkindSky]

Here is the 1st scene


“Into the Gardenâ€

[SgtPadrino]

I dunno... these seem more like stage directions for a play than an actual script. Plus they seemed able to take down the MG a little too easily - it's kind of tough to lay down accurate fire when you're under heavy fire yourself. There should be more action in there, rather than simply having "The rest of the squad puts suppressing fire on the MG and then hits the guy manning it."

A few guys should provide a solid base of fire while the rest of the squad advances (assuming that it's not a completely open field, maybe something with plenty of cover,) close enough to take it out with a grenade or two.

[UnkindSky]

There i fixed it. Ya your rite.

[maj_barnes]

Also, you could die from a calf wound, haven't you seen Black Hawk Down? It also kinda of reminds me of my opening scene for my script.

[UnkindSky]

Well depends on the sevority of the the calf wound. In a book i read this guy got shot through the calf twice and survied three months in a german POW camp. But o well... ill have to look at that. here i the revised script



(starts off on a patrol to scout enemy lines. MG fire opens up and Onkerman is hit in his calf. They find abandoned foxholes and dive to them. Johnson, Reveren, and Zanavitch put fire on the MG while York and Enders sprint to the nearest cover closest to the MG and chuck 2 grenades into the nest killing the 2 men behind it)

Pvt. Onkerman:
(Holding his calf and wincing) Damn it Sarge!! I’m hit!

Sgt. Hicks:
(Rolls his eyes) Shut up Onkerman, your not gonna die… you’ll live

Cpl. Johnson:
(Comes running from a Haystack in the field to their right) Sir, I got bad news. A krout patrol is heading this way. They ‘bout 10 strong and 2 miles east a’here.

Sgt. Hicks:
(looks around and then yells at Johnson) Get Reveren over here!!

Pvt. Reveren:
(In a strong voice) Yes sir

Sgt. Hicks:
You and Johnson get him back to the line and get him taken care of.

Pvt. Reveren:
(helps Onkerman to his feet) Yes sir

Pvt. Onkerman:
(mumbles to himself) I aint goin to no doctor…

Sgt. Hicks:
Quit your bitchin’

Cpl. Johnson:
Sir… we better be getting outta this damned place.

Sgt. Hicks:
Right… let’s move out!!

(All exit… Into the forest)

Scene two

(York, Hicks, and Johnson are sitting in the makeshift command post in view of the field giving an oral report of the patrol)

1st Sgt. York:
So… Obi, what exotically did u see?

Cpl. Johnson:
Well sir… I saw a Kraut patrol… they was ‘bout 10 strong, one officer by the looks.

1st Sgt. York:
Very good Johnson. You’re dismissed

(Johnson walks away and goes into his foxhole. York leans in and wispers to Johnson)

Sgt. Hicks:
Sir… I don’t wanna be goin and discouragin the men, but I don’t think we can stand a full frontal assault… just not possible sir

1st Sgt. York:
We have our orders Sgt, we are gonna hold this position till we get relived.

[UnkindSky]

is that any better?