Portion of my WWII movie "D-Day Plus 6"

[tallman_house_pictures]

Just a short mabye typical D-Day Portion script of my movie
Tell me what you think. Enjoy






Part 1
Scene One
(In C-47 Aircraft)
(Red light turns Green)
Paterson: Let’s Go! Come On!
(jumps)
(Paterson hits Ground, and gears up)
Paterson: Hello, anybody there?
Smelters: Sir, it’s me, Smelters.
Paterson: Good, anyone else.
Smelters: No sir, not so far.
Paterson: Fair enough. Where’s your weapon?
Smelters: Damn, lost it on the jump sir.
Paterson: Here, take my .45.
(Hands him pistol, Smelters takes it)
Smelters: Thanks sir.
Paterson: Follow me
(Walk a while down the path)
Brown: Flash!
Paterson: Thunder!
Brown: Is that you Sergeant Paterson?
Paterson: Yes it is. Glad to see you Brown, got your BAR?
Brown: No sir, lost it on the jump. I still have my pistol and knife.
Paterson: That makes two of you.
Smelters: Sir, where exactly are we?
Paterson: About two miles from our drop zone. We’ve got to rescue that British commando! How much ammo do you have? I’ve got a full issue of Thompson ammo.
Smelters: Only what you gave me Sarge.
Brown: Twenty-one Colt rounds.
Paterson: We’ll have to acquire more somehow.
(Bushes Rattle)
Smelters: Flash.
(Pause)
Smelters: Flash (louder)
(Pause)
Smelters: Krauts, take cover!
(Machine gun blares out)
Brown: (gasps) I’m hit! (Falls down in trench)
Smelters: How bad?
(No answer)
Paterson: He’s gone! (Gets up and fires a burst from his Thompson) Take his ammo!
Smelters: Yes Sir. (Takes ammo)

To be Continued..........

[Epsilon]

Wow... umm... Read the script to yourself and act it out. The dialogue is kind of written like a book and is not very convincing. Like people don't say, "I have Thompson ammo and you have Colt ammo." It should flow naturally.

There is no description of action! A script is more than just dialogue, describe the scene and what the audience is looking at. Here is an example of the beginning of my WW2 jump script, hope this gives you more of an idea:





FADE IN:

INT. DROP PLANE OVER FRANCE – EARLY MORNING

SUPERIMPOSITION:

June 6, 1944 D-Day

We see dozens of airborne soldiers await their signal to jump. Focus on one soldier closest to the open door. His name is Jack. He is nervous. The sound is loud and flak blasts rock the plane.

PLATOON COMMANDER
15 seconds!

SOLDIER
Jack, God be with you.

The red light over the door turns green.

PLATOON COMMANDER
Go! Go! Go!

In a file, everyone jumps from the aircraft.

EXT. SKY – EARLY MORNING

The morning is pitch black and the silhouettes of parachutes fill the sky. Explosions brighten the sky. It suddenly goes dark again. Jack is navigating himself without being able to see a thing. He continues to speed towards the ground. Suddenly, we hear a crash.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

EXT. TREE – DAY

It is now late into the morning. We see a close-up on Jack’s face as he awakens. He remembers where he is. It is revealed the Jack is actually hanging far from the ground, stuck in a tree. Looking around, Jack knows he is alone. His helmet is missing.

Jack pulls out his weapon, an M1 Carbine attached to his pack. He then unties his straps and falls to the ground. He hits the ground hard and sits up, dazed. Looking up, he realizes that his weapon is stuck in the tree and jumps sporadically in attempt to reach it. It is impossible to get.

Stranded with no weapon or equipment, Jack studies his surroundings in search for his platoon. He begins to run in a direction away from his caught parachute.

[foxwood]

Its a bit stale, make the diologe more interesting, it sounds like a training mission with no real thret of danger. They need to be screaming, and very stressed, yours sounds to calm. More sentance fragments, quick bursts. things like that. Basicly do what epsilon was showing you up there.

[SgtPadrino]

This reads more like a play than anything. No camera/character/action direction, just dialogue (sorry to say it, but really bad dialogue) and a few short stage directions. Here's another example, from my D-Day scene.

Quote:
“Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force: You are about to embark on the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you.

Good luck! And let us all beseech the blessing of the Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.â€

[tallman_house_pictures]

Okay, I will make some major improvments

[lukeprausnitz]

how do peple do the planes? what special effects programs could i use for my mac?

[tallman_house_pictures]

For Mac........not sure.....anyone know?

[lukeprausnitz]

anyone?

[foxwood]

Well there is a version of 3ds max for the mac isn't there? I'm sure you could just do a google surch, it is highly unlikey that "The movie makers choice of compuer"(heh) wouldn't have some kind of program to do this with.

Just looked and both 3ds max and maya have mac versions, but this is really not a script question. You will want to head to the special effects forum for more on that.