New 3 page script

[Despin]

Hey there.

I had an idea earlier this evening for a little short film. I just finished the first draft. It's 3 pages long. Any opinions or advice would be great. Cheers.

WAR HERO



INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Slow push in on an OLD PHOTOGRAPH. A handsome, proud
looking young man in full military uniform.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
When you're young, old age is
more than a lifetime away.
Something that doesn't bare
thinking about.

An OLD MAN (70's) sits in a comfortable looking armchair. He
stairs into space. Thinking. Contemplating.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Well that's what the lads in my
regiment would say. They were
never going to get old. They
didn't want to.
(beat)
Me? I didn't think it sounded too
bad. In fact. I quite liked the
idea.



INT. KITCHEN

The Old Man puts two sugars into a cup of tea and stirs.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Lazy days spent drinking tea.



INT. LIVING ROOM

The old man sits down into his armchair and takes a sip of
his tea. He puts the tea down and picks up a newspaper. He
sits back in his chair and starts to read.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Reading the papers, doing the
crossword.

The Old Man fills in the final clue to complete a
crossword. He smiles. Puts the paper down and leans back
into his chair. He looks out of the window.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Sitting back and watching the
world pass by your window.

People pass by the window.



EXT. STREET - DAY

A kid rides his bike. A young couple hold hands as they
walk.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Yeah. That doesn't sound too bad
at all.



INT. LIBRARY - DAY

The Old Man walks down an isle filled with books. He smiles
as he fingers through them.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
With all that time, think of what
else you could do. There is a
word of knowledge out there. And
nothing but time to take it in.

The Old Man finds a book he likes.

CLOSE ON: Spine of book reads "CLOCK REPAIRS FOR BEGINNERS"

YOUNG VOICE
You could do anything.



INT. BEDROOM - DAY

The old man stands on a chair and reaches for a box above a
large wardrobe.

He places the box on the bed and takes out an old clock. He
smiles.



INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The Old Man sits at a table and turns the page of the Clock
Repair book. He finds what he's looking for and then looks
over to the clock. It also sits on the table and the back
has been removed. It's inner workings exposed to the world.

The Old Man picks up a screwdriver, takes one last look at
the book and moves in on the clock.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
With that kind of time you could
really accomplish something.



INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Sun streams through the window. The Old Man finishes
tapping a nail into the wall. He then turns, picks up the
clock. The back has been put back on and the clock looks
like it's had a good cleaning. He reaches up and hooks the
clock onto the wall.

He takes a look at his watch and synchronizes the clocks
time.

He takes a step back and looks at his work. He smiles.
Proud.

LATER

The old man again with a cup of tea in his hand, sits down
and takes a sip. He puts the tea down and picks up his
paper. He turns to the crossword page and takes a pen from
his shirt pocket.

He starts the crossword. His eyes drift up from the page
and onto the wall opposite. At his clock. He smiles again.
Still proud.

CLOSE ON: OLD PHOTOGRAPH. The photo we started on. The
young man standing proudly in military uniform. We
recognize that smile.

YOUNG VOICE (V.O.)
Yeah... Getting old... I'm
looking forward to it.

As the voice fades out a white title appears beneath the
photo.

TITLE READS: JAMES RONALD LINES. DIED 1945, BURMA.

The Old Man, still sat in his chair, working on the
crossword starts to fade away. A few moments later he's
gone. All that's left is an empty chair.

Despin out.

[Willderbeast]

oooh scary. But its a bit pointless sorry to say. The ghost idea was a quick way to end a script that was expressing an idea on youth and the value of it, but not really going further to explore it that bringing it up. Try to add in a sub-plot, perhaps a soldier stumbles upon a fountain of youth in burma, if you want to make it completely different. I don't know...The dialogue flows. But what is its purpose?

Will-derbeast

[pan-modo_pictures]

I liked it. I think it will make a pretty good film. But it seems pretty short, and almost like a TV commercial.

[Monkeywood]

Hi there. First post here, first time on the forum and what a nice way to start.

I really liked this script. Genuinely emotional. My only comment would be that it might be more effective if the old man simply leaves the room rather than disappearing, which would leave people to make their own minds up about who or what he was.

But that's nitpicking. I hope all the scripts up here are this good!

James
Shameless Films

[EnglishPatriot_2003]

My Interpretation of this is that the young man speaking never got to become the old man as he died during WWII. And the old man is either someone else who survived WWII, or the old James Lines that never was.

TITLE READS: JAMES RONALD LINES. DIED 1945, BURMA.

[Caveman]

I think this is a reeli good script! I'm sorry to say this - reeli hope no1 minds - but I think Willderbeast is missing something (personal opinion - no hard feelings m8). I think the fact that we weren't given time to explore the value of youth only adds to the power of the piece as "JAMES RONALD" wasn't allowed time to experience and explore life to the full either.

I think this is a brill short script which none-the-less conveys a powerful message of the futility of war and the way it robs people of their lives and deprives them of their dreams.

A great no-nonesence piece! Gr8 stuff!!!

[JB007]

Despin. Your Script is brilliant, I hope you get it filmed as I would love to see it. Personally I would film it in B/W to give it a more dark and moody quality.

JB007