I would like some feedback on my first short film. 17min.
http://www.hhilocaltv.com/demoarea/bananabread4TV.html
My first Short Film 17min
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RE: My first Short Film 17min
Boy was that boring and cheesy...
but that looked frickin' sweet. Nice lighting and scene setting.
but that looked frickin' sweet. Nice lighting and scene setting.
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RE: My first Short Film 17min
Yikes, I can't stream that fast!
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RE: My first Short Film 17min
ah stupid work computers I'll check it out when I get home.
Thanks for looking
Yea its a drama, easier to do. Thanks for taking the time to view it.
I guess i should add a disclaimer. This streams for big boys computers. 700kbs Not for dial up.
I guess i should add a disclaimer. This streams for big boys computers. 700kbs Not for dial up.
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Righto well first of all congrats on doing your first short film - i have to admit the alarm bells were ringing a bit when i saw '17 mins' for length though!
Anyones first short film that is 'that' long probably needs a tighter edit! I wasn't wrong!
The first 2 entire minutes (some poeple make short films that last this long!) is taken up with fading titles and car driving montage shots (BUT FROM THE SAME ANGLE) - this is way too slow a way to start your short imo - it is far more akin to how you 'might' start a feature, but not a short.
After 2 minutes of that i promise people will be wriggling their toes with impatience and you especially don't want that for a drama.
Again the next 2 minutes is our tragic figure stumbling before being picked up - oooh so slowly by the nice girl. Bear in mind again a lot of directors would be able to cut fast with slow transitions - a montage of him getting to where he collapses in just 30 seconds. There is a great need for editing discipline here i think.
The music has a tendency to drift into different tracks giving us an impression this film has a list of ambients rather than a definitive soundtrack or ambient made especially for it.
A lot of your shots are over-exposed - most are in fact - you need to close your aperture or whak on that neutral density filter.
Dialogue sound is poor - very difficult to make out - on board camera mic?
However the dialogue is (a little ridiculous isnt it hehe) but thats only to cynical filmmakers - a lot of folk would eat this up (hallmark channels) family/ stuff etc etc
The acting isn't too bad, a bit restrained but not too bad.
However again the pace is rather slow, (i skipped the odd minute here and there and i could still understand the story! That means there is lots you don't need in here.
So yes thick with sentimentality this film is - (do not confuse sentimentality with drama! That wich gives us cathartic expression never makes us think - ) big difference between sentimentality and drama!
Anyway not a bad first short film at all, but lets see what an edit would look like with a WHOPPING 50% cut in the edit
(btw http://www.newagefilm.co.uk/PURGATORY.wmv this was my first short - also a drama exploring similar themes to yours! Not better but done in a different style for sure!)
Anyones first short film that is 'that' long probably needs a tighter edit! I wasn't wrong!
The first 2 entire minutes (some poeple make short films that last this long!) is taken up with fading titles and car driving montage shots (BUT FROM THE SAME ANGLE) - this is way too slow a way to start your short imo - it is far more akin to how you 'might' start a feature, but not a short.
After 2 minutes of that i promise people will be wriggling their toes with impatience and you especially don't want that for a drama.
Again the next 2 minutes is our tragic figure stumbling before being picked up - oooh so slowly by the nice girl. Bear in mind again a lot of directors would be able to cut fast with slow transitions - a montage of him getting to where he collapses in just 30 seconds. There is a great need for editing discipline here i think.
The music has a tendency to drift into different tracks giving us an impression this film has a list of ambients rather than a definitive soundtrack or ambient made especially for it.
A lot of your shots are over-exposed - most are in fact - you need to close your aperture or whak on that neutral density filter.
Dialogue sound is poor - very difficult to make out - on board camera mic?
However the dialogue is (a little ridiculous isnt it hehe) but thats only to cynical filmmakers - a lot of folk would eat this up (hallmark channels) family/ stuff etc etc
The acting isn't too bad, a bit restrained but not too bad.
However again the pace is rather slow, (i skipped the odd minute here and there and i could still understand the story! That means there is lots you don't need in here.
So yes thick with sentimentality this film is - (do not confuse sentimentality with drama! That wich gives us cathartic expression never makes us think - ) big difference between sentimentality and drama!
Anyway not a bad first short film at all, but lets see what an edit would look like with a WHOPPING 50% cut in the edit
(btw http://www.newagefilm.co.uk/PURGATORY.wmv this was my first short - also a drama exploring similar themes to yours! Not better but done in a different style for sure!)
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Slow. Slow. Slow. Pacing for a sad scene is important, and should be gentle with not too many quick cuts. But this, you just lose your attention with just waiting to see where this single slow panning shot is going to take you. And you forget what was going on just before it.
"People can misinterpret almost anything so that it coincides with views they already hold. They take from art what they already believe."
-- Stanley Kubrick
-- Stanley Kubrick
Thanks for all your comments.
Lawriejaffa I really apprecate your lengthy comment. I completely understand what you said. I knew i would get bad comments from the audio. That was actually lavelier on a boom pole because i had a pro. sound guy comming and last minute cancelled.
Anyway, I really liked your short film. You must have had some training or something. I liked the shots and the edit.
Thanks again.
Anyway, I really liked your short film. You must have had some training or something. I liked the shots and the edit.
Thanks again.