Finished Short Film - Terrorism Satire

[Lawriejaffa]

Hiiii!

Well im quite new here, and i thought id stick up a link for a short film we made a wee while ago, i went and hosted a wmv export of it (it came out alrightish but any visual defects u see is just from the wmv export.)

Its a very very dark, pitch black satire, of our paranoia about terrorism in this case depicted in a somewhat alternative scotland. It plays with itself (eww) and is 'ironic' and at times quite perverse.

In any case feedback appreciated, some bits are a little corny (we made this to actually test some effects out we'd been practicising but thought what the hell lets make more and cut a short film)

Its called'

Terrorism, Nationalism, Religion, Oh my!

and New Age Film is our wee production company

Some of you may find this film offensive...
You can view it here on a fast server

http://www.newagefilm.co.uk/terrorism.wmv

[PHILIE-T]

hahahah funny. was that your mum u kept swearing at!! hehe
poor mum.

[Lawriejaffa]

mum! lol god no! (check the creds we have different second names, she has been an amatuer dramatic actor for years (for theatre mostly)

[DarkElastic]

Nice political short movie you have made. I really liked the guy who played the leader, the dialogue suited his character, and he pulled it off very convincingly.

Great attempt. Keep up the good work.

[Lawriejaffa]

Yeah the actor Lawrie Brewster played the part of the terrorist leader, he's done a lot of theatre, and is good to work with, in particular in roles that are demanding.

Glad you guys are taking peeps at the movie, but don't be shy you can blab to me about it

[lethelgirth87]

For the most part it was cool, you could have used multiple angles in the scene where the 2 guys are talking on the steps, but for the most part it was good.

[Lawriejaffa]

Thats quite unusual actually because the last scene is really so quick (he says only one line and is then shot) how would you have done that last scene lethe? Maybe shown a reaction shot of the lead? Just curious really

comments appreciated guys btw

[Gyro]

First off, you absolutely need to deinterlace when you render, just ends up looking like a staticky mess.

Next of course is visual. Very clean cut film but I had a hard time figuring out why it still looked so "amatuerish" then it came to me. Your camera angles are quite boring. Nothing original, nothing artistic, and there's only like three shots that are moving. Especially during your shoot out at the end, that's where the camera trickery could've improved so much. Don't be afraid to break the rules and take the camera off of the tripod. Good scenary as well.

Acting wasn't very convincing. Even if they've had experience in theater, that's where they should stay. I've taken both theater and film classes, very very diverse.

Audio: I absolutely loved the score, the lone piano is very good. Original? Worked well during the end scene. As far as dialogue, it sounded quite clean, little quiet in some parts but still good. Sound effects did not sound good at all, no offense.

Content: Not entirely sure what was going on during the film, but that seems to be every student filmmaker's goal, is to confuse the audience. So, good in that aspect. Written quite well. Editing could use a little work in some of the dialogue scenes.

All in all the film could use some work, in all of the above but I do give you props on the content, original in that department. Keep on making films.

[Lawriejaffa]

Well i agree definately that some camera work could be more original in parts, though for storytelling i'd say it was standard fare, mix of CU, MS, MCU etc, certainly not amatuer, just industry standard framing (which it is).

I think your being way hard on the actors here, for the most part viewers of this film, have been positive, in particular towards the lead, not saying these are genius performances lol, but in any case, their experience of theatre and tv i think shows positively in this film. Denouncing all of them to a life of theatre only lol goes way beyond your remit and i think is a little provocative?

Now im going to go on a limb here, and say this critique gryo? Given how annoyed you were on that Kentertainment thread, does seem a little provocative, 'keep making films' and saying its amatuerish, thats exactly what you thought i was saying to your project (though i was not) and its more than ironic you should say it yourself now about one of mine.

Explicitly calling someones work amatuerish, is something i think is bound to flame many gyro, not me obviously but based on this thread, I think you are trying to inflame a little

http://www.matthawkins.co.uk/forum/view ... c&start=25

I accept any opinion, but i think yours is mixing a little truth with an attempt to provocate... which i think we can rise above surely.

[Gyro]

I don't think is very provacative, due to the fact that the sub-title to this forum is "Crazy, amatuer filmmaking". It wasn't made to offend, I was just stating that it didn't look very... proffessional.

[Lawriejaffa]

Alright Gyro,

I think its obvious you are trying to be provocative, based on the offence you imagined was given to you by me in the Kentertainment thread.

I find it quite pathetic that you would want to stir trouble in this thread.

There are many guys making movies here under 20, most are mature enough to accept criticism, some who get hurt, taking things personally try to get back, in particular a grumpy 16 year old gyro...

Saying a whole films cast is unsuited for 5 (when there is over 5!) and that it looks unprofessional based on no comparison whatsoever except mentioning a lack of off the tripod shots?!? (which has no bearing whatsoever) is just a smokescreen for you to cause offence, based on that blooming kentertainment thread.

ANY moderator would see this Gyro as obvious, (especially based on the other thread) so i ask you, while i WANT feedback, I don't need spite.

//EDIT
Also provocation rubbish keeps these threads up, i only want my film up the topic if people are commenting on it itself, cos otherwise people who are waiting for attention for their films, are missing it, cos guess whats making the topic headlines... some flame argument bs.

So Gyro THANK YOU, for your 'criticism' but i have NO NEED for you to expand any more replies on this thread, I'd rather hear from others now, and if not, let this thread make room for others who deserve attention.

[Bradly!]

My last post today! Im kinda new here but i watched the movie the terrorist one and f*** yeah man its cool, i didnt get the accents sometimes, but like it was understandable!
I was gonna say to lighten up, but yeah i been reading the posts, so man i say ignore that cr** jaffaman cos the acting was fine! It aint amatuer either s*** i want to be professional it'd break my heart havin some noob say i aint lol course i aint hhahaha
The music was cool but not all the time, the little sounds u could work somethin better? But man PROFESSIONAL and ACTED well man! Keep it up that guy playing the leader was like freaky as

[Gyro]

What're you, high? I did not understand that entire post.

[Lawriejaffa]

His post does make sense Gryo, stating he makes no sense and is possibly high on somthing is however, provocative.

Like i said Gyro you have no further reason to respond on this thread? Though Bradly, its maybe better to keep ur crit to the film itself and not to crit other crits lol.

But no more flaming Gyro! I can just see Brad coming back saying, hey man its u who makes no sense and blah blah all over again - grow up.

[Gyro]

I don't see how your posts are any less "flamed" than mine?

[Lawriejaffa]

Well thats cos ur just a little agitated gyro, so ya take things the wrong way i guess, but really why keep responding to this thread, when i say already thanx for ur crit, but no more?

Its because it goes way off topic, turns a thread about a short film i spent a wee while making, into some arguefest, thats why!

So anyway this wee terrorist film was a satire, but id love for u guys to check out the other film, that had lawrie alyn (not this lawrie... tho) who performed in 'The Hidden Child'

http://www.matthawkins.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7899

The terrorist film we did here is an experiment, basically in some effects, (it failed as an experiment cos we ended up sticking lots of dialogue in cos we thought, hey we hired the kit, lets make a short too)

In any case, we are trying to 'up the ante' with our next experimental semi post apocalyptic short terrorist type er... thingy, called 'Brothers' and the whole point of that is to increase the 'scale' not just of the drama (hence we are being a little less satirical this time round) but the number of extras, or other 'ambient' we can create of a world teetering... (lol er, not quite like GUTS tho!)

'You men are the ultimate fighting force etc' (my fav movie quote of all time)_

[Clarence]

Audio: I absolutely loved the score, the lone piano is very good. Original?

It's a Waltz in B Minor by Chopin.

[jcdenton]

A lot of nice features. The Women and the Doctor where my favorite actors.
Yes, deinterlace! Probably easiest when you first resize to 50%. I think the uniforms look kind of "uh we need some costumes, found them on a flee market" that gave it some kind of amateurish feel. (but maybe this mixed uniforms thing is part of the story)

The flashes of the guns should have softer contours, and those flashes usually do also partially illuminate the smoke.

From the dramaturgic point of view I found there's too much action in the latest few seconds and too much text/dialogs in the rest of the film. And it was said: more camera persectives required (frog, bird, totals etc.)

But all in all well done.

[Kentertainment]

Okay, I finally got around to viewing your film.

1. Like it's been said before, make sure to deinterlace your footage. Do you use Adobe? For some reason it's not as big a problem with Vegas as it is with Adobe.

2. I really liked the music for it, the only problem I had with it was the transitions between them.

3. The acting was good for the most part but in a few cases it was mostly the dialogue that was good, there wasn't any body language or facial expressions going around.

4. Your final gun battle was a little slow paced even though it wasn't that long, it could've used some moving shots and the man didn't even take cover.

Here are my good reviews:

1. Like said earlier, I liked the music.

2. The story was original and suited perfectly for the times that are amongst the world right now (meaning Terrorism and such).

3. Most of the acting was good.

4. The dialogue was good, especially for the sophisticated main guy. On the dialogue note though: I hate when every other word is "F" this and "F" that and "F" you, it really doesn't add to the professionalism. Sure lots of movies do it! I can stand when the "F" word is used maybe 2-3 times but other than that it just shows poor dialogue.

Good Job, I rate it a: B+

Did you color correct or anything?

[Lawriejaffa]

Yeah i always do deinterlace usually (er nobody would like their wedding video otherwise lol hrmph) but i exported it in rush, forgot to check box, couldnt do it again (i was so weak and weary) but never mind, shall be de-interlaced as it should be in future. Okay, now i edit on premiere 1.5 and if im lucky Final Cut, and if im reallllly (perhaps at uni) ill grab Avid Media Composer. My fav is final cut tho (but 1.5 prem is like a PC version almost lol

Thanx for the reviews chaps, yeah it was a weird wee project. The point of our filming that day was suposed tp be to test gun effects and then i had the brain wave (cos we had the hire mic for an extra day) to film some dialogue that we had prewritten. So we got folk short notice, and obviously with little time prep, they struggled (tho i edited around that.)

I'll check out the gun flashes, cos i used some stock ones with particle illusion some guy made, however more effort i think should have gone into that, the airsoft guns fire some 'flour' btw, (fed lightly into the barrel, and yep these are cheap cheap airsoft guns, wouldnt do it with a pricey electric.)

The Doctor was ur fav character!?! lol coolio, the sophisticated guy speaks only (well mostly lol) in Winston Churchill quotes, and yeah the action stuff could be livelier at the end.

In all the film was supposed to be however a satire, a kind of very black subtle comedy) All in all though, things like production values, effects, um (yep it was white balanced tho it used a graphic filter afterwards, some shots just went nuts tho cos of theth changing light.) Note why rarely is it wise to film for a full day, with changing lights for sake of consistency.

This film was a bit of fun however, you should check out Gavs first effort (he's normally doing art & design for us) and yep the swearing in particular has more a bearing with its relation to scottish contemporary drama (loads of nasty swearing) which in fact makes the sophisticated gut totally out of place in a scottish arty thing.

So while its a black comedy, it may not seem like that across the pond! Er finally thank yeah i thought the acting was good too (but more so cos of the short notice they had, very short)
The next project will be a ww2 Film *gulp* thanx again gents

[PanicFilms]

Good Day,

First off, i was drawn to this thread after reading your comments made in http://www.matthawkins.co.uk/forum/view ... 512#123512 that thread.

Right, a review:

First we'll start off with the good stuff. Youve managed to get adult actors, finaly someone has made a film without including their little brother or sister.
Now onto the bad stuff...

You made a big deal in the afformentioned thread about geopolotics and attention to detail within real world events and yet you stick your main lead in some random World War 2 RAF uniform. The rest in whatever the army/navy store had. German badges?

I wasnt realy sure where this was supposed to be set or whom it was about. But im fairly sure it wasnt supposed to be scotland. You can be forgiven for the accents but blue and white was plastered all over the place. Any reasons for this???

Technicaly, the camera shots are boring. This is not to proffesional standards, perhaps Mr & Mrs will be content with your 2 dimensional camera work, im not. You say its proffesional practice to film within these boundaries but any filmaker knows that these shots are merely standard. To make a decent amateur film you MUST go beyond these boundaries.

Your ability as a story teller has alot to be desired, as your use of lengthy text to pad out your narrative is a lame cop-out! As a director your main goal should be to give to your audince a clear and poinient narrative, you should be able to do this without any words at all if you are thinking of taking this up as a career i suggest that you go back to school and try again.

Your editing lacks so much pace, you build up no tension and fail in keeping your audience watching.

The sound felt out of place as at times the music was louder that the characters talking.

Dont attempt to make another film ever again, you should be shot on sight, you uppety scott.......now thats provocative!

Love from everyone @ PANIC!films xxx

[Lawriejaffa]

Meh... it is a s***-film lol i can live with that, ive produced a lot better and ive been paid to produce a lot better years after that ol' thing was made

Your whining about my comments on other threads regarding uniforms... well there relevant to projects that try to be realistic. This is a black-comedy - a satire, with no 'standard' of realism so *shrugs* shots boring etc... yeah well it is - I accept criticism when its not just coming from someone 'offended' by me in the forum out to get 'back at me' lol

Incidentally reviewing films just cos ur getting all bitchy over my valid comments on other threads.... that you provide a link so conveniently in ur own post above is rather 'bad form' as well... (cos one could almost guess you were just being reactionary a 5 year old, (one thats grumpy cos they dropped their lollipop lol)

Oh and thanx for the 'love' from PanicFilms (thats from u, ur little sister... pet hamster and every other powerful staff member u got there? lol)

Love from New Age Film Ltd

[PanicFilms]

Can we see something you have been paid to make?

[britishbulldog]

why the hell are right winged people always made out to be bad guys, i find it offencive not only are they right wing they are also christian, and you made them out to be mass murderers. HOW COULD YOU

[Lawriejaffa]

lol ur right british bulldog but its a parody really - u would love this script that we tried to get done called 'deathsquad' check out my link thread i think it has info on that. I ain't got nothing against right wing paramilitary organisations tho lol, they'd see the funny side plus think of it like this - the guys in that movie just didnt want to lose the war so took the 'enemy' down with em... tho the 'prod' is supposed to be the bad guy to u bulldog he could be a hero of sorts! yey

As for u panicfilms? ur such a bitchin hoe u could be shaft's girlfriend! My commercial work for clients i could put up sure, but not to humour some boo-boo baby child like you.

Here's the deal tho kiddo, we're producing education videos that will be getting shown in every primary school in scotland, and eventually in england, and we get paid by the national lottery, and we intend to spend some of the cash on a nice hvx200...

So NO u ain't getting to see what we get paid to make, but u do get the comfort panic films... of getting to know we do get paid enuf...

To everyone else lol, yeah i wish that did mean the films i make and put on this forum are great but of course there normally not lol doh hehe