S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
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- britishbulldog
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S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
this film is being made by me and my freind over easter and is the first big project ive ever tackled its the first script ive ever written and has about 16 actors the budget was £500 but we have gone alittle over and weve managed to buy a hell of alot of guns uniform helmets webbing and props etc its a spoof action film, so it should be funny
honest opinions if anyone can be bothered to read it im not sure if the directions are in italics they should be but its still understandable apologies for the spelling and punctuation mistakes in advance
Scene1
Two men in suits pull up outside a pub get out and walk inside
Mr Z
Sure this is it?
Mr P
Well if it isn’t, were about to look stupid
The two men walk inside and after briefly speaking to the barman walk over to a smoke filled corner of the pub
Mr P
Hey jack, you’re a pretty hard man to find
Jack
Now let’s keep it that way, rack off
Mr P
Got a proposition for ya
Jack
I’ve got a proposition for you, rack off
Mr Z
We’ve got a contract, thought you might be interested
Jack
I don’t do that s*** anymore, so take rookie here and go back to fat camp
Mr P looks at Mr Z with slight bewilderment
Mr P
Were legit these days, we work for the government, nothing under hand
Jack
Well you can tell the government to rack off
Mr Z
Listen buddy we’ve got stuff on you, we could send you down for a long time and remember you practically don’t exist, so who’s going to know if we throw you in jail for the rest of your life
Jack
I don’t care I said I’m not interested
Mr P
Ok I’ll tell you what Jack I’ll leave this envelope here, if you want to, open it, if you don’t we’ll see you round
Mr Z
Might give you a chance to redeem yourself jack… you no what I’m talking about….by doing the only thing you’ve ever been good at, killing…… or you can live out the rest of your days a poor drunk who’ll dance for a buck
Jack
What is my file passed around the board meeting now, you sent me on that mission you knew but you never told me, I saved hundreds of lives.
Mr Z
Was it worth gunning down a child in cold blood?
Jack stands up and looks threatening
Mr P
Come on Mr Z you’ve said enough
The two men exit the pub
Scene 2
Mr P and Mr Z are driving away from the pub
Mr Z
Do you think he’ll show?
Mr P
O yer he’ll show, just don’t you worry, once he finds out he gets to kill terrorists he wouldn’t miss it for the world
Scene 3
Jack silently walks home carrying the envelope, he arrives at his flat, gets into his bed and falls asleep almost instantly. He then has a dream about the fateful mission in which he was forced to kill a child.
A terrorist has a child in front of him whilst holding a remote control for a bomb
Terrorist
Ha ha ha ha, I’m gonna blow this place Jack, and there’s nothing you can do about it
Jack
I won’t let you
Terrorist
What you going to do kill me? Go ahead
Jack
Noooooooooooooooo
Jack lets off a short burst of bullets killing both the terrorist and the small child being held captive
Jack wakes up and sits at the end of the bed he spots the envelope on his cabinet opens it and sits down to read it
Scene 4
Jack carrying a rucksack gets into a car containing the two agents.
Jack
Ok I’m in but I want 10,000 bucks
Mr P
That’s fine
Jack
20,000 bucks
Mr P
Also fine
Jack
30,000 bucks
Mr P
No problem
Jack
40,000 bucks
Mr P
Anything you want
Jack
100,000 bucks and a prostitute not one of those cheap ones, OOOO I want an escort, you no one of those really expensive ones that say “I’m just an escortâ€
honest opinions if anyone can be bothered to read it im not sure if the directions are in italics they should be but its still understandable apologies for the spelling and punctuation mistakes in advance
Scene1
Two men in suits pull up outside a pub get out and walk inside
Mr Z
Sure this is it?
Mr P
Well if it isn’t, were about to look stupid
The two men walk inside and after briefly speaking to the barman walk over to a smoke filled corner of the pub
Mr P
Hey jack, you’re a pretty hard man to find
Jack
Now let’s keep it that way, rack off
Mr P
Got a proposition for ya
Jack
I’ve got a proposition for you, rack off
Mr Z
We’ve got a contract, thought you might be interested
Jack
I don’t do that s*** anymore, so take rookie here and go back to fat camp
Mr P looks at Mr Z with slight bewilderment
Mr P
Were legit these days, we work for the government, nothing under hand
Jack
Well you can tell the government to rack off
Mr Z
Listen buddy we’ve got stuff on you, we could send you down for a long time and remember you practically don’t exist, so who’s going to know if we throw you in jail for the rest of your life
Jack
I don’t care I said I’m not interested
Mr P
Ok I’ll tell you what Jack I’ll leave this envelope here, if you want to, open it, if you don’t we’ll see you round
Mr Z
Might give you a chance to redeem yourself jack… you no what I’m talking about….by doing the only thing you’ve ever been good at, killing…… or you can live out the rest of your days a poor drunk who’ll dance for a buck
Jack
What is my file passed around the board meeting now, you sent me on that mission you knew but you never told me, I saved hundreds of lives.
Mr Z
Was it worth gunning down a child in cold blood?
Jack stands up and looks threatening
Mr P
Come on Mr Z you’ve said enough
The two men exit the pub
Scene 2
Mr P and Mr Z are driving away from the pub
Mr Z
Do you think he’ll show?
Mr P
O yer he’ll show, just don’t you worry, once he finds out he gets to kill terrorists he wouldn’t miss it for the world
Scene 3
Jack silently walks home carrying the envelope, he arrives at his flat, gets into his bed and falls asleep almost instantly. He then has a dream about the fateful mission in which he was forced to kill a child.
A terrorist has a child in front of him whilst holding a remote control for a bomb
Terrorist
Ha ha ha ha, I’m gonna blow this place Jack, and there’s nothing you can do about it
Jack
I won’t let you
Terrorist
What you going to do kill me? Go ahead
Jack
Noooooooooooooooo
Jack lets off a short burst of bullets killing both the terrorist and the small child being held captive
Jack wakes up and sits at the end of the bed he spots the envelope on his cabinet opens it and sits down to read it
Scene 4
Jack carrying a rucksack gets into a car containing the two agents.
Jack
Ok I’m in but I want 10,000 bucks
Mr P
That’s fine
Jack
20,000 bucks
Mr P
Also fine
Jack
30,000 bucks
Mr P
No problem
Jack
40,000 bucks
Mr P
Anything you want
Jack
100,000 bucks and a prostitute not one of those cheap ones, OOOO I want an escort, you no one of those really expensive ones that say “I’m just an escortâ€
Last edited by britishbulldog on Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.
- XhuntedoverlordX
- Senior Member
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- Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2005 7:04 pm
- Location: Roanoke/Salem, Virginia
RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
Your punctuation was kind of poor, I couldn't stand reading this. Can you please go back and add all the question marks you left out?
- britishbulldog
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RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
yer sorry about the punctuation I thought most of the question marks were in place already and errr i just realised I'd missed out a whole scene between 4 and 5 but ive since added it in sorry for anyonewho started reading it
- Bodysnatcher
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RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
got through it (eventually), can I suggest you put it into a script format for ease of reading? my brain was fried from tryin gto put punctuation in (and grammer, and quote marks etc lol) but to your credit I did finish it, and I must say there were several times when I giggled and smirked to myself, its over the top, steriotypical merc warfare in all the finest traditons, more cliches and daft, pointless, state the bloody obvious jokes needed!
(shame Tony brought the farm before getting it on with Tatiana!) would love to read it again in a more 'readable' format.
(shame Tony brought the farm before getting it on with Tatiana!) would love to read it again in a more 'readable' format.
http://www.freewebs.com/bodysnatcher-productions
RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
they're not gonna be teenagers are they?
- britishbulldog
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RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
thanks for taking the time to read it those of you that did, and yes we are teenagers 16-17 sorry bullseye
what do you mean by a more readable format? tell me and I shall try to improve it
what do you mean by a more readable format? tell me and I shall try to improve it
- britishbulldog
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- Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
- Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)
RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
im just posting so you can find it on the main page and can READ it lol
- Bodysnatcher
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RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)
It might just be the way it has downloaded to the forum bu it would be so worth your while checking out a script writting format (ie, the way a script should be laid out in terms of dialogue, cuts, fades etc) to make your script more readable.what do you mean by a more readable format? tell me and I shall try to improve it
If you want I can offer some assistance?
http://www.freewebs.com/bodysnatcher-productions
- britishbulldog
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- Posts: 212
- Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
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- Bodysnatcher
- Posting Freak
- Posts: 206
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:43 pm
- Location: Munster, Germany
- Contact: