Script, Anyone interested in filming it? (look inside)

[*StarZ*]

here is my script and im looking for someone to read it and turn it into a film. I hope its a good one, i need to revise it but that won't take very long. If interested in filming Post here and PM me, Also Rate its plot on a scale of 1-10 please.

PRIVATE PROPERTY
By: Anthony Bresette & Joseph Alan Dixon
87Arts Entertainment
FADE IN:
EXT. THE WOODS - DAY

A RANDOM COUPLE CAMPING

Tiffany is grabbing a beer from the cooler as Ross is
cooking something over the fire. She walks back over to the
log in front of the fire. Cut over to the shoulder shot
all you see is a dark shoulder wearing an old cowboy hat
with heavy breathing.

SLAUGHTER (OS)
(With heavy
breathing)
Dinner.


Back to Ross and Tiffany.

TIFFANY
So great to get out of the hell
hole city and enjoy some fresh air.


ROSS
Couldn't agree with you more babe,
but something freaks me out
about this place.


TIFFANY
What would that be?


ROSS
I don't know if you ever heard the
story of Vincent Slaughter.


TIFFANY
No, who or what the hell is
Vincent Slaughter?


ROSS
There are stories passed down from
generation to generation that tells
of a man that lived in this neck
of the woods with his wife and two
kids. However Vincent and his Wife
Carla were much messed up to say
the least, and enjoyed certain
activities that at one time the
deeply Christian town of Carling
didn't think to highly of. They….


.
ROSS (cont'd)
were into Incest, Satanism, and
other twisted stuff. One night the
town’s people were sick of their
s*** so they sent two of their
men to kill the Slaughter Family.
They managed to kill his wife and
two kids, but Vincent had killed the
two men before they got to him. The
town’s people worried by the fact
that the two men had not
returned home, they sent ten more people
out to see if they could find them
and Vincent yet again killed all
ten men and to make sure there was
no evidence that he had killed
them, Slaughter had taken up the
act of Cannibalism. He had eaten all
of the dead including his wife and
children. Eventually the
towns people figured it all out and
went out and out numbered Slaughter
and hung him by the tree in the
middle of town. People still say
you can still see and hear Vincent and
that he is undead and walks the
forest looking for trespassers.



TIFFANY
Ha, nice camp fire story but I'm
going to have to call bull on that
one.


ROSS
Real or Fake it still gives me the
chills. But being here with you
kind of makes it feel a little
better.


He leans up and kisses her then they hug. When she hears a
twig snapping.

TIFFANY
(Worry)
What was that?


ROSS
(Smile)
I am sure it was nothing.


TIFFANY
No I heard something I am positive
I heard something.



ROSS
(Annoyed)
Fine I will get up and look but I
am absolutely certain there is
nothing and or no one there


She gets off him; he gets up and walks over to a bunch of
trees.

ROSS
(Curiously)
Hello? Anyone there?
(Walks around a
tree. Suspenseful
music starts
playing)
If anyone is there your in for a
beating
(Walks into
the
trees, sees
nothing and turns
and walks back to
the clearing)
See babe nothing at all.


TIFFANY
But I could have sworn I heard
something.


SLAUGHTER (OS)
Oh but you did.


TIFFANY
Ross, that wasn't funny
(Ross doesn't
answer)
Ross, come on this isn’t funny.
ROSS....ROSS?


All of a sudden Ross's body just falls over to reveal an axe
sticking out of it. Music starts playing.
Tiffany starts screaming.

SLAUGHTER (OS)
(Sarcastically)
Told you, you heard something
tramp.


TIFFANY
(Crying)
NOOOOOOO.... *sobs* OH MY GOD ROSS.



Slaughter starts walking towards her. She turns and starts
running away. Slaughter starts running after her, lunges and
tackles her down and she kicks away and gets up and starts
running again but is stopped by a fence. Slaughter gets up and runs back to Ross and
pulls the axe out of his back and takes a step forward and
begins to run after Tiffany. Side arms the axe right at her, the
camera goes slow mo following the axe then it goes to a face
shot of Tiffany running and you see the axe following her
then we get a shot of following the axe and you see it slice
right through her neck and sticking into a tree with her
head attached to it and the tree. The camera does a slow
zoom in on the head, and follows the blood down and forms
the title.


INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

Just after the lunch bell to begin lunch 4 friends meet up
to discuss their camping trip for the weekend.

WILL
(Putting his
backpack over his
shoulders)
I hate biology so much.


PETER
(Patting Will on
the back)
Don't worry about anything dude
this weekend will totally get your
mind off everything.


WILL
(Doubt crosses his
face)
I highly doubt anything can get my
mind off Crystal.


PETER
(Taking Will aside)
Look I know you loved Crystal but
something’s man….. there just not meant
to be. Now I'm not going to hand
you the old cliché of how there
are plenty of other fish in the
sea BS, but I will tell you
this.... screw her, forget her.
You really don't need her. You got
us to have a good time. And plus
Angel invited Lindsay to come with.


They look over to Lindsay and Angel talking.


WILL
I am so not ready to move on.


PETER
Ok maybe your not, but look at her.


Will looks at her in depth.

WILL (OS)
She is hot.


PETER
You damn right she is and she
likes you, at least give her a
chance this weekend. You owe it to
yourself.


WILL
(Gives in)
Ok, ok.


CUT OVER TO LINDSAY AND ANGEL

LINDSAY
(Big smile)
Thanks so much again Angel for
inviting me to go camping with you
guys.


ANGEL
Don't worry about it hun, I know
how much you like Will and I
thought what better way for you
two to get to know each other then
being in the woods for 3 days.


The guys walk over to them.

PETER
(Putting his arms
around Angel)
Ready for the weekend Hun?


ANGEL
(Flirting)
Totally me and Lindsay are so
ready.


WILL
Anyway I got to go. I have to pick
some things up and finish packing
for tonight.



Angel nudges Lindsay and gives her a look of do it.

LINDSAY (MOS)
(Anger)
Ok
(Looking at Will
happy now)
Ummm, Will?


Will looks over at her.

LINDSAY
(Puppy dog eyes)
Umm I don't have a ride to the
meeting place tonight do you think
you could pick me up?


WILL
I guess so.... sure why not? Say
5?


LINDSAY
(Happy)
Perfect I'll be waiting.


WILL
Ok, see you all tonight.


Will walks away to end the scene.


INT. WILL'S CAR - DAY

OUTSIDE LINDSAY'S HOUSE.

WILL (To Himself)
Be ready.


Pulls into the Driveway. Inside Lindsay's house.

MOM
Be careful and have fun.


LINDSAY
(Annoyed)
I will mom.


MOM
Ok I love you.


Gives her a hug.


LINDSAY
I love you to mom, bye.


MOM
bye.


Walks out of the house carrying a backpack and sleeping bag.
Will gets out and helps her.

LINDSAY
(Smile)
Hey.


Will takes the backpack and sleeping bag from her.

LINDSAY
Thanks.


WILL
No problem, get in.


She walks over to the passenger side and gets in. Will
throws the stuff in the trunk shuts it and gets in.

WILL
(Wondering)
Got everything?


LINDSAY
(confident)
Yes.


WILL
Ok let's roll.


Puts the car in reverse, puts his hand on the back of the
passenger seat and looks out the back. (BYOB starts playing
right through into the next scene)


EXT. THE MEETING PLACE - NIGHT

IT'S ACTUALLY MID AFTERNOON , JUST AS THE SUN IS GOING DOWN

Peter and Angel are sitting on camping chairs on some rocks
with their camping stuff surrounding them. Will's car pulls
up. Lindsay gets out of the car first.

LINDSAY
(Big smile)
ANGEL!


Gives her a hug, Peter is walking toward him.


PETER
(Raised eyebrow)
So how was the car ride?


WILL
(Straight faced)
Like you would expect a 45 minute
car ride to be, long boring and
quite frankly my a** hurts from
sitting.


PETER
(Says in disbelief)
Why?


WILL
Why what?


PETER
Why you got to be like that?


WILL
Like what? Come on man loosen up,
we talked.


PETER
That's just mean, very mean. Why
you got to play me like that?


Will grabs the last of the bags from the trunk and walks
over to Angel and Lindsay.

WILL
Alright here we go, in 20 minutes
we will be at the perfect camping
spot.


ANGEL
Alright WOOO?!



EXT. SLAUGHTERS HOUSE - NIGHT

Low camera shot looking up at the sky from the driveway up.
Slaughter's truck drives over the camera; the shot rotates
around to the view the truck and the cabin all in one shot.
The camera still hangs low but you get up close shot of the
door opening and slaughters feet plop to the ground kicking
up some dirt. He's got cowboy boots on and a long dirty
black trench coat. He walks to the back of his truck still
focusing on his feet and grabs a body in a burlap sack out
of the truck and flops it to the ground and drags it back to

the cabin. He opens the door walks in and takes the sack to
a wall with a bunch of other sacks hanging dripping blood,
he hangs up the fresh bag.

SLAUGHTER
(off screen)
Ummm..... Dinner.


Turns and heads over to the fridge, grabs a rusty can full
of some foreign green substance. Takes it over to a chair
puts his feet up on an old wood stool. The camera pans out to
a full body shot of Slaughter. He's appears to be in his
40's but has long thin white hair that's very dirty. He's
also wearing a very dirty black cowboy hat. He takes off his
hat, and put it on the table beside him. The camera pans
around the place while he eats. There’s a blood soaked table
with pits of people lying around it. Then we go back to
slaughter looking full as he puts the can and rusty spoon
down.

SLAUGHTER
I wonder if the desert is ready.


He gets up and exits the house the camera stays in the house
focused through the front window outside, showing Slaughter
get into his truck and pull away.


EXT. THE FOREST - NIGHT

The group leading through the forest Will and Lindsay lead
the way followed shortly behind by Peter and Angel. They
reach a fork in the road.

LINDSAY
(Flirting)
Which way now oh wise leader?


She looks up at Will.

WILL
(Flirting back)
Well if I remember correctly we
take a left.... but I shall ask
the wise Map holder which way...
Oh wise map holder where are we
going?


PETER
(Running his
finger over the
map)
We go to the right oh wise leader.



WILL
(Scratching his
head)
You sure? I am pretty sure it's
left.


ANGEL
No, Will even I am looking over
the map and it says go right.


LINDSAY
I think we should trust them.


WILL
Ok right it is.


They head out on the right direction. Paradise City- 18
Visions plays) The camera follows them then back track to
Angel and Peter.

ANGEL
(Grabbing Peter's
hand)
Are you positive it was the right
hunny?


PETER
Positive.


They reach a sign that says Private Property as they walk
onto a road.

LINDSAY
Will? Should we have come on
private property?


WILL
(Bewildered)
Not unless it was made yesterday.


LINDSAY
Are we lost?


WILL
No, Peter what's the date on that
map?


PETER
(Looking over the
map)
I'm not seeing it, Will.



WILL
It should be on the upper Left
side.


PETER
I know, I'm just saying that not
where it is on here.


ANGEL
(Frustrated)
Give me the map
(Takes the map,
looks it over)
That's why you couldn't find it
you had it back....wards.


She tailed off at the end. Everybody kind of gets this look on
their faces.

LINDSAY
YOU MEAN TO TELL US YOU LEAD US 12
KMS THE WRONG WAY!?


PETER
Sorry, I am really sorry.


LINDSAY
Your sorry that's it. WE’RE LOST IN
THE DAMN WOODS!!!


WILL
(Grabbing her)
Calm down, Lindsay we're not
nearly as bad as it seems.


Angel walks over to the side of the road in the long grass,
walks into it. She's about to sit down when she clears away
some grass to see a dog that had it's legs cut off and dry
blood all over it's body. It smells hardcore.

ANGEL
(Screams)
PETER!


PETER
ANGEL!


He runs over to her.

PETER
What?


She points down.


PETER
What the hell? …. WILL!


Will and Lindsay run over and Peter points down at it and
Lindsay screams.

PETER
What the hell is that?


WILL
A dog.


PETER
I damn well know that but what the
hell happened to it?


WILL
HELL IF I KNOW.


Angel is back on the road puking, and Lindsay is trying to
comfort her. A low roar of a diesel truck is heard.

LINDSAY
Do you guys hear that?


PETER
Sweet Jesus thank god we can get
the hell out of here, this person
can give us a ride out of here.


WILL
Something tells me that this truck
isn't coming to rescue us.


PETER
What? Come on Will.


WILL
Hell no Peter grab Angel and hide,
I've seen my fair share of horror
movies HIDE NOW!


Peter grabs Angel and they go deep into the deep grass just
on the outside of the forest and hide in a little trench.
Will and Lindsay end up running back into the area of the
dead dog, and duck down in the grass like 2 ft from the dog.
The smell is getting to Lindsay. The truck noise is getting
closer and closer.

ANGEL
(Quietly)
Why the hell are we hiding, this
is our ticket out of here.



PETER
Were screwed because we didn't
listen to Will, I really don't
want to go 2 for 2 ok?


The truck just gets into the shot and drives to a certain
spot and just stops. Will peaks his head up just to see why
it stopped and he looks a little to his left to see a trip
line made of barb wire.

WILL
(Very quiet)
Shh, look
(points to the
barb wire)
You don't want to look at this guy.


Slaughter gets out of his truck and starts walking into the
deep grass. Suspense music starts playing.

PETER
Oh God No.


ANGEL
What...... Babe..... What is it?


Peter is keeping an eye on Slaughter and Will.

PETER
He's heading right towards Will
and Lindsay and he's carrying a
shot gun. Damn rednecks.


He's closer to them. The music is getting to a bigger build
up.

ANGEL
(Turns around to
look)
Come on guys get out of there.


Lindsay can now see what Slaughter looks like and she is
about to scream but Will puts his hand over her mouth.
Slaughter stops the music is at a fever pitch, he bends over
and see the dog.

SLAUGHTER
Mutilated Dog my favorite dessert.


He grabs the dog by the tail and just flings it over his
shoulder and it lands directly in the back of the truck, and
he is walking away.


PETER
It's ok babe he was only after the
dog.


He's just about to his truck when he hears something it was
a faint sob from Lindsay he quickly turns around looks and
sees nothing so he shrugs gets in the truck and drives off.

WILL
Jesus Christ.


Will and Lindsay come running out of the grass Lindsay is
freaking out Will is holding her as Angel and Peter return
to the road.

ANGEL
Jesus Christ WILL WERE THE HELL
DID YOU TAKE US?!


WILL
Where the HELL DID I TAKE US?
That's a really good question why
don't you ask your backwards map
reading buddy where we are.


PETER
You know what Will why don't you
SCREW OFF.


WILL
You know that’s Why don't I punch
your ugly face in.


Peter pushes Will and Will pushes him back, Angel and
Lindsay get in between them and try pulling them apart.

LINDSAY
Guys.... GUYS!
(They stop and
look at her)
STOP FIGHTING! We need to focus
and become a team again. We can
get out of here. You 2 are best
friends and you’re fighting why?
Because of your damn stupid pride,
we all make mistakes Will you made
yours and Peter you made yours
let's move on and get out of here
it's 10 pm it's dark and getting
cold. Let's just follow the road
and get the hell out of here.



ANGEL
Exactly.


WILL
(Extending hand)
Sorry man.


PETER
(shaking Will's
hand)
It's cool.


WILL
(Grabbing
Lindsay's hand)
However we can't follow the road.


ANGEL
WHY!?


PETER
Cause Babe we don't know whether
were walking to or from the
lunatic's sick twisted hell hole
he probably lives in feasting on
dead animals and cr**.


LINDSAY
Then what the hell do we do?


Will looks at Peter and they kind of nod.

LINDSAY
What?


ANGEL
What? ..... OH NO CHANCE IN HELL.


PETER
Sweetie it's the only way. It's
way to dark out to do anything
else.


ANGEL
NO DAMNED CHANCE IN HELL IS I
SETTING UP CAMP IN THE VALLEY OF
CHOPPED UP ANIMALS!


WILL
What other choice to we have Angel?



LINDSAY
(Walks over to
Will)
As much as I hate to say it Angel
he's right it's our only choice.


ANGEL
What’s to say he won't follow us in
there?


WILL
We'll set up long enough to get
some rest then as soon as light
hits we will move on.


PETER
It's only for a couple of hours
babe ok?


ANGEL
Fine I don't like it, but what
choice do I have?



EXT. WOODS CAMP SITE - NIGHT

Angel is helping Peter set up the tent while over across on
the other side of the fire pit Will is helping to set up
Lindsay's tent.

LINDSAY
(Scared)
You know Will I don't think it's a
safe idea that everybody sleeps
alone tonight.


WILL
I hear you; Angel and Peter aren't
sleeping alone tonight there in
the same tent?


LINDSAY
(Biting her lower
lip)
Yes I guess your right.


WILL
(Big smile)
Look if your asking me to sleep in
your tent tonight to keep you
safe, I guess I could swing that
it's one less thing to take down
when we leave.



Peter and Angel make their way over.

PETER
(raising an
eyebrow)
So you two will be sleeping
together tonight I take it.


WILL
Dude it's for safety reasons.


ANGEL
Sure it is.


They kind of laugh, The girls sit down on the log.

WILL
Pete we’re going to need some firewood
to cook up a quick something.


PETER
(faking a Knee
injury)
I guess I could fight off these
nagging knee injuries to help you
out.


Angel standing up.

ANGEL
(worried)
Where are you two going?


PETER
We will be right back were just
going to get fire wood.


Lindsay pulls on Angels pants, and Angel sits down and
Lindsay hands her a beer.

LINDSAY
Relax, honey I'm just as scared as
you but this beer sure helps.


ANGEL
So you and Will?


LINDSAY
Nah.



ANGEL
Don't screw with me girl, you like
him and tonight you two are going
to be sleeping in the same tent.


LINDSAY
I assure you its to help me stay
safe.


ANGEL
Well Ok, just make sure you two
get some sleep cause like hell I'm
staying in this screwed up forest.


The guys come back and drop off arms full of wood for the
fire.

WILL
We’re back.


ANGEL
look at you two strong ox’s.


LINDSAY
Here have some beers.


Lindsay holds up a couple of beers.

WILL
(Reaching for the
beer)
Don't mind if I do.


Peter is putting the wood in the pit and starts the fire
then walks over to his pack and grabs a bag of marshmallows
and bring over 2 sticks.

PETER
Who wants some marshmallows?


LINDSAY
(Reaching up and
grabbing the
stick from Peter)
Oh me, me.


We zoom out of the fire to see all 4 of them in a scene
Angel and Lindsay are sitting on the log with blankets on
over them and Will is sitting in front of Lindsay on the
ground, and Peter is standing behind Angel while the girls
are roasting marshmallows a little time elapsing. We come
back to real time with Let's Get F***** Up playing a little
ghetto blaster that Angel brought.


LINDSAY
Well I'm tired and maybe just a
little drunk so I am going to get a
lay down. Are you coming Will?


WILL
(Cocky face)
I most certainly am.


PETER
Have fun you two, come on babe we
should get some sleep to.


ANGEL
Ok, Hun lead the way.


We focus on Lindsay and Will trying to get in the tent, Will
is on all fours trying to open the door of the tent.
Lindsay is laughing at him then he finally gets the door
open and he goes in followed by Lindsay who plops down on
her sleeping bag, Will zips up the door on the tent turns
around looks at her as the start of Retaliate plays and she
leans up and they kiss then she lays down and Will lays down
beside her and they hold each other and fall asleep.


EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY

DAWN JUST AT THE FIRST SITE ON THE SUN

Peter gets out of his tent with some sleep in his eyes,
walks through the rubble of beer bottles and walks to the
edge of the hill and looks down to see a beat up cabin.

PETER
Oh that's not good for business.


Walks over to Lindsay and Will's tent. The camera goes to
inside the tent with Will and Lindsay facing the camera,
Will is half asleep and half awake, with his arm over
Lindsay kind of cuddling.

PETER
Will..... Will are you awake?


WILL
(Mumbling)
Yes..... What is it Peter?


PETER
You might want to look at this.



WILL
(To Lindsay) I'll be right back
(Kisses her)
This better be good Peter.


Will opens the door and gets out he's wearing sleep pants
with the top of his boxers showing he's shirtless.

WILL
Ok I'm here what is the amazing
sight?


Peter just points to the edge of the hill they walk over and
Will looks down at this cabin, there is no car or truck in
the drive way but there is some smoke coming out the top of
it.


So what do we do?


WILL
Well we don't know whose cabin it
is but we need to check to see if
they have a phone or something we
can use to call for help.


LINDSAY
Will what's wrong are you coming
back or what?


WILL
Just a sec, we have to check it
Pete.


PETER
So, how did you and Lindsay get
along last night?


WILL
Grow up dude.


PETER
Will don't do this to me you owe
me that much brother.


They walk towards their tents, then we come back with all
them sitting on the log in front of the fire again.

PETER
Come on Angel we have to check it
out, what if it isn't the sick
lunatic’s cabin, and there's a
phone?


LINDSAY
But what if it is the sick
lunatic's house?


WILL
Then at least we know he's not
home. Look I know when you just
look at the situation it doesn't
sound like the best plan but
really what other choice to we
have? We will all stick together
down there.


LINDSAY
I trust you, just promise me
nothing bad will happen.


WILL
I promise nothing bad will happen,
we will be there long enough to
see if there is a phone or
something ok?


ANGEL
Ok, let's just go.


They each grab their packs and head out down over the edge
of the hill and trek down towards the cabin. They reach the
base of the hill facing the back of the cabin.

WILL
Ok, here's the plan were all going
in but I can't stress enough that
we must stick in pair's at least.
So Angel and Peter stick together
in there and I and Lindsay will
be together and we remember what we’re looking
for anything that can get us help.
A map, phone, CB radio, anything.


PETER
Alright I say we take no longer
then 10 minutes in there.


WILL
Agreed, let's go.


Lindsay grabs Will's hand as Angel does to Peter. They start
walking silently around the corner of the cabin towards the
porch they creep up the 2 stairs of the porch and stealthy
open the door and break off into groups. The smell is
horrific.


PETER
I guess that horrid smell answers
the question of weather or not
this is the sick-o's cabin.


LINDSAY
Shut up and just keep looking.


They go silent again, and the search continues. Angel enters
what appears to be some kind of living room, they look over
at the TV and a really old betty boop cartoon is playing.
Then Angel looks over at this wall were a bunch of sacks are
hanging, with blood stains all over them.

ANGEL
Peter, look.


PETER
(looking)
Jesus Christ the guy is the damn
Santa clause to all the damned
freaks in the world.


ANGEL
Please Pete let's just find
something and get the sweet hell
out of here.


PETER
Ok, babe.


They keeping looking then we cut to Will and Lindsay who are
in what looks like the kitchen. There’s a sink full of filthy
dishes, and a couple of pots cooking something on the stove,
the table is covered in blood. Lindsay is over looking at
the pots. She stirs the one pot that looks like it is
cooking stew, she stirs and nothing happened, he stirs again and
a hand comes to the surface.

LINDSAY
Jesus CHRIST WILL!


WILL
What
(looks)
What the flying hell is this guy
is eating? More then mutilated
animals I guess.


Over to Peter and Angel, Peter is taking down one of the
sacks off the wall.


ANGEL
Peter what the hell do you think
your doing?


PETER
(Straining)
Jesus there's got to be a moose in
here, I'm just seeing what's in
here.


Peter slams the sack down and unties the rope keeping it
shut, he opens it and this smell bellows out of it.

PETER
Good god, whatever the hell it is
has been dead for some time.


ANGEL
Come on, Pete just shut the thing
back up, and the smell is awful.


PETER
Now, just hang on.


He looks in and can't see so he pulls the edges of the sack
down to reveal a human head.

PETER
JESUS CHRIST!!!


ANGEL
OK PETER LET'S GET THE HELL OUTTA
HERE!!!!!!


They run towards Will and Lindsay. Will can sense something.

WILL
Wow, what the hell?


PETER
Dude, there’s defiantly something
not right here dude, I just found
a human head, I got the map can we
go now.


Loud noise outside.

WILL
Shh, listen.


PETER
oh, you got to be kidding me.



ANGEL
No, no.


She keeps backing up until she bumps a table and hits a
stereo that Slaughter had got from one of his attacks. Enter
Sandman starts playing as his truck pulls up.

WILL
Well, Enter Sandman.


LINDSAY
Very funny Will can we please get
out of here somehow?


PETER
I saw a window at the back of the
house.


They run towards the Window, Will grabs a chair and throws
it at the window and breaks it. Slaughter gets out of his
truck and notices that the music is on runs into the house,
and sees Peter getting out of the window.

PETER
OH HELL GUYS RUN!!!


Everybody makes a mad dash up the hill, and Slaughter just
makes a leap out of the window and chases up the hill after
him, Angel and Lindsay are in the front of the pack then
Will, then Peter, and Slaughter coming up the rear. He's
gaining ground on them.

WILL
(While running)
Peter and Angel lets try
splitting this bastard up and we will meet
back at the campsite.


They split up Will and Lindsay go to the right while Pete
and Angel go to the left, Slaughter takes to the right to go
after Will and Lindsay. They are going full out enter
sandman is still playing.

LINDSAY
Will hunny there's a cave over
there.


WILL
Ok babe follow me.


They lose Slaughter and hide in the cave. Slaughter uses the
scent and follows them right to the cave. Will hears

Slaughter coming and hides deeper into the cave. Over to
Peter and Angel who get to the campsite and Will and Lindsay
aren't there yet


EXT. THE CAMP SITE - DAY

Peter walking over to their tent and Angel walks over to the
edge.

PETER
WILL! Where are you Will?


ANGEL
LINDSAY, HUN LINDSAY ARE YOU HERE?


PETER
I don't think their here hun.


ANGEL
We just can't leave them to their
death out there, we have to go
help them.


PETER
(fighting with
himself inside)
Damn it. let's go.


They head out for Will and Lindsay.


INT. CAVE - DAY

Slaughter is moving in on Will and Lindsay, It's dark in the
cave, and no one can see much, Slaughter is still following
his nose, closer and closer to them, Unholy Confessions
starts playing. As Peter and Angel are closing in on the
cave.

ANGEL
PETE? Do you even know where they
are?


PETER
On the way in here I saw a cave,
now if I know Will and I do I
would bet all my money that's
where they are and their probably
trapped.


Peter picks up and giant hard stick and continues to run
toward the cave. Back in the cave, Slaughter had spotted
Will and Lindsay.


SLAUGHTER
Yum, just what I like His and
Her as meals.


Slaughter pulls out a knife and is about to take a stab at
Will when Peter runs in and clubs Slaughter in the back.
(BOOM- LOUD PLAYING)

WILL
PETE!


PETER
Come on guys let's get out of here!


They make a mad dash out of the cave, Slaughter slowly gets
up and starts following them, the gang runs into a cliff and
down below the cliff is a river.

LINDSAY
Damn it. Will what are we going to
do?


PETER
Will, I'm fresh out of ideas.
You got any?


WILL
We could always Jump.


Slaughter appears in the opening. He looks at them all slowly
his face is all bloody.

PETER
Jesus Christ, he does exist!


WILL
What?


Slaughter grabs a huge log.

PETER
VINCENT SLAUGHTER!!!?


LINDSAY
Guys it looks like psychopath has
made are choice for us.


Slaughter throws the log at them and they all turn and jump
in the river below. They scream all the way till they hit
the lake. Slaughter slowly walks over to the edge, looks
like and gets a grin on his face.


SLAUGHTER
(Heavy Breathing)
You will never escape.



EXT. RIVER BANK - NIGHT

SUNSET

The shot comes down on the shore of the river, and it scans
along till we come to three bodies washed up on shore, their
wet and clothes are torn. Angel is the first to get up.

ANGEL
Peter? Lindsay? Will?
(Looks around and
sees Peter and
Lindsay)
Peter? Come on baby wake up.


Peter stirs and comes to, as Lindsay comes too.

PETER
(Looks around)
Everyone ok? Where's Will?


LINDSAY
WILL?, oh my god WILL? Where are
you?


Camera pans on the river to the edge of the waterfall they
all notice the waterfall and fear the worst.

LINDSAY
NOOOOOO!


Angel goes over and consoles Lindsay.

PETER
Jesus Christ Will please be alive
somewhere buddy please? We have to
keep moving girls that SICK
lunatic is probably on his way
down here to kill us and make us
Christmas dinner.


LINDSAY
Whose Vincent Slaughter?


PETER
What?



LINDSAY
(Frustrated)
Up there before the jump you said
he really does exist then you
shouted Vincent Slaughter. Who the
hell is Vincent Slaughter?


ANGEL
Pete who the hell is he?


PETER
A folklore look I'll tell you all
about it later, let's just keep
moving because I would like to eat
my Christmas dinner, rather then
be it.


ANGEL
OK, Pete you grabbed the Map out
of his house.


Pats his pockets looks in his pack.

PETER
(Worried)
DAMNIT! I gave it to Will.


LINDSAY
Screw the map.


PETER
Ok, ok follow me.


Pete gets up and walks to the edge of the forest, Angel
whose is still consoling Lindsay about Will head into the
forest, unsure of where they are going.


EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

The camera cuts into the forest through the trees to this
river bank; Will is seen stirring since the fall. Slowly
gets up and sees no one. Looks forward into the water and
sees the waterfall, and assumes that no one went over it and
gathers himself thinking only for the best. What If by Creed
starts playing, as he heads into the forest looking for the
others.


INT. SLAUGHTERS CABIN - NIGHT

Slaughter is seen going over a huge map on his wall. The

Camera goes to a close up of the map. He picks out a spot
on the map, and follows it to this one spot and starts
laughing diabolically.


EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

Peter leading the 2 girls to a small opening. They all look
spent.

ANGEL
Pete babe can we please just stop
here for a bit to get some rest
PLEASE, we're all tired.


Lindsay is seen crying, Pete looks at her then looks at
Angel.

PETER
Ok, we can stay here for the
night, I haven't heard or seen
Slaughter for a bit. I think were
good here.


ANGEL
Thanks babe.


PETER
Well let's set up.


They start setting up the supplies they have which is
basically just there sleeping bags and some matches that
were in a Ziploc bag which kept them from getting wet.

LINDSAY
(Well rolling her
sleeping bag out)
Do you guys think maybe Will is
still out there somewhere.


PETER
I hope so Lin, I really do.


Angel lying down on her sleeping bag facing the fire.

ANGEL
Hey, Pete do you think that's the
real Slaughter out there or do you
think it's someone just trying to
scare trespassers off his property?


PETER
I want to say and think for the
best by saying that it isn't the…



PETER (cont'd)
real Slaughter but it just seems
to weird to say it isn't I mean
you saw the cabin that smell and
those things were for real, you
can't fake the smell of death.


LINDSAY
Enough of this please can we just
sleep and get the hell out of here.


PETER
Ok, girls hang tight for one
minute I just got to go to the
bathroom I will be right back.


ANGEL
You better be fast.


PETER
I'll try.


He grabs the flashlight and heads off down the trail, we cut
over to Will who isn't to far off in the distance. Using his
flashlight is navigating the darkness.

WILL
(To himself)
Come on guy's be out here
somewhere.


He stumbles across the old camp site of Ross and Tiffany, he
looks through some of their stuff, he picks up Tiffany's
pack and goes through throwing stuff out of it and then
eventually picks it up and dumps its contents out. A cell
phone falls out he picks it up.

WILL
(Out loud)
HOT DAMN!
(Opens it up)
No signal DAMNIT!


Picks up his pack and flashlight puts the phone in his jeans
pocket and runs out on the trail, Pete sees a flashlight
beam coming toward him, he suspects Slaughter, but it might
be Will. Will sees Pete's flashlight beam, and Will
automatically believes it's Pete, so Will starts running
toward the beam and Pete's turns around and runs back to the
site. He arrives at the site.

LINDSAY
What is it Pete?



PETER
It's him it's Slaughter, he's
coming.


The girls and Pete get up and hide each grab something to
defend them with. Will arrives at the site, and slowly
walks around; shining his light on their sleeping bags and
no one is around. He walks toward Pete and Angel. Lindsay
realizing that her friends may be in trouble makes her move
silently towards Will. Sneaking up slowly, behind Will,
getting closer, she is practically right beside him, she
swings and clubs Will right in the back of the head.

WILL
OWWW, ahh what the hell? Jesus
Christ that freaking hurt.


LINDSAY
Will, oh my god Will is that you?


WILL
Yes it's me who the hell did you
think it was?


LINDSAY
Sorry baby, we thought you were
someone else.


WILL
(looking at Pete)
Let me guess you all thought I was
Vincent Slaughter.


PETER
Sorry Will, I always thought the
story was BS.


LINDSAY
I'm so glad your alive baby.


They hug and she helps h

[*StarZ*]

i guess im that bad at writing eh?

[*StarZ*]

anyone read it yet?

[smokeythebear]

I did its pretty good but some scenes are odd like the being in the woods and randomly finding a fence ( beginning) but with some small edits by director it would be good.

[*StarZ*]

thanx

[JackBauerII]

The dialogue is a little artificial. Work on that.

[MGH]

I like it, sounds like you have some difficult SFX thrown in there. I agree with the other critique as well however. Good start though.

[angusware]

Never underestimate the power of commas in a script, you rely on Punctuation to tell you how to say something. and example would be:

WILL
OWWW, ahh what the hell? Jesus
Christ that freaking hurt.


LINDSAY
Will, oh my god Will <comma> is that you?


WILL
Yes it's me <comma> who the hell did you
think it was?

[AgentDick]

Don't be afraid to add actions for the characters while they're talking. It makes it easier on the actors, and adds a lot to the imagery. Contractions, slang, and the actions will make the dialogue a lot better. Good Story though. Well done!

[ProdigyFilmsinc.]

Don't be afraid to add actions for the characters while they're talking. It makes it easier on the actors, and adds a lot to the imagery. Contractions, slang, and the actions will make the dialogue a lot better. Good Story though. Well done!

Yeah but if he writing this as a selling script, you don't want actions and parentheicals unless necesarry. That is up to the Director.

[Bodysnatcher]

I came, I read, I liked, a few blatent cliches in there but I did enjoy, must agree though, with the comments about dialogue.