Me, Myself... and I - First Draft, please read

[chrisgreen]

Heres a shot script i'm writing with the intention of either making or submitting to screenwriting contests, please read it and say what you think, all constructive critisism will be great, thanks. The main character is named ME just for the sake of the name, during the actual dialouge no one mentions the his real name, so please no one just saying it's cr** because of that.

INT, HOUSE - 10.30AM
ME sits in an old chair in the corner of his room over looking the window from which he can observe the street below.

(V.O.) ME
What’s happening to me? I can’t remember a thing of what happened yesterday, even when i woke up it took me 5, maybe 10 minutes to work out where i was, and i... I just couldn’t remember who i was...

INT, HOUSE - 12.50PM
Me no longer is in his chair, this time he’s standing by the window looking outside, seemingly for something in particular.

(V.O.) ME
I’ve worked something out... i have, its very important, i still can’t remember who i am. This, this isn’t what is important though. I have managed to remember what my job is... You see, see those people down below?
(Whispers)
It is my job to watch them
(laughs quietly)
But, but I can’t tell anyone, they wouldn’t believe me. I can tell... you don’t believe me.

INT, HOUSE - 5.00PM
Me is back in his chair, in the fetal position, rocking backwards and forwards slowly, eyes fixated on the window.

(V.O.) ME
There was ...someone outside today, he looked back up at me, when i was working. It was the crip, i could tell by the way he looked at me, he doesn’t like me. I better watch him, if i don’t do my job right he might pass without my attention...

INT, HOUSE - 11.50PM

Me is sitting at the foot of his bed, it looks like he’s been sweating heavily, his eyes are open wide, again he is staring fixated into the distance.

(V.O.) ME
Couldn’t sleep, i heard a noise outside my door, i think it’s the crip, he’s after me. He must know what i do... no one can know. I’m watching, watching now, this way he can’t sneak up on me. I don’t need sleep, sleep is for the weak.

INT, HOUSE - 8.00AM
Me is getting dressed, ready for work, his hair is combed back and he looks like any other commuter.

(V.O.) ME
He didn’t come, i stayed up all night and he didn’t come, still it is better to be safe then sorry, isn’t it?
(beat)
I have decided to make myself more presentable this morning, for work. I don’t want to cast a bad impression you see, first impressions are very important, i think that is why the crip doesn’t like me.

Me walks out from the bedroom and back into the living room, he picks up a suitcase and his jacket and walks towards the front door.

(V.O.) ME
Gotta beat the rush, the human traffic.

He opens the door, peers outside and then closes it again, quickly. He then walks briskly over to the window and moves the chair so it’s directly in front of it. Giving him a good view out onto the street below. He sits down and places the suitcase on the floor next to him, then checks his watch

(V.O.) ME
Early, always the best time, good impressions, good impressions, its the key.

INT, HOUSE - 4.30PM
Me sits in the chair, a tray on his lap. On it is an empty bowl, a spoon and a glass of water

(V.O.) ME
I had a visitor today, lovely young lady, goes by the name of Claire I think. She was very nice, brought me some sweets and made me a cup of tea. Although she did seem to think that she knows me, but i swear i have never seen her before in my life.
Me gets up an walks to the toilet, but we still stay focused on the chair

(V.O.) ME
She came during my lunch break, asked why my chair was facing the window and why i was dressed to smartly. I couldn’t tell her why, she wouldn’t believe me. I just said i liked the view and changed the subject, i don’t think she noticed.

INT, HOUSE - 12.30PM THE NEXT DAY
Me sits at the chair still looking out onto the street, the suitcase on his lap, a sandwich resting on top of it.

(V.O.) ME
The Crip passed again today, he was with a friend, a Wog. I think they noticed me sitting in my chair, the looks of contempt burned onto the back of my eyes, they truly hate me.
(quiet sobbing)
I was hoping that Claire would visit... Ease my sorrow, but she hasn’t come yet, I’m trying to keep one eye on the door too, but i must not miss a thing...

INT, HOUSE - 6.00PM 3 DAYS LATER
Me sits at the table in the kitchen for once, a saucepan with cold beans in front of him with a fork placed next to it.

(V.O.) ME
Claire came again today, and last Wednesday, it seems shes coming every other say, she still persists that she knows me, but i don’t know. I think she might love me, every time she visits she makes me a cup of tea and makes sure I’m enjoying my sweets, every time with that same loving smile.

INT, HOUSE - 9.55PM
Me sits at the foot of his bed again

(V.O.) ME
I think i love her too...

INT, HOUSE - 8.03AM 8 DAYS LATER
Me sits in his chair, this time still in his dressing gown

(V.O.) ME
Its my day off today, but I’m still working. Last Saturday there were so many interesting people, the Crip and the Wog weren’t there, but so many old people, their faces look so frail, yet behind that is more contempt for me, there always is, everyone hates me... Except for Claire

INT, HOUSE - 6.43PM 13 DAYS LATER
The chair has now moved to face the front door, Me is sitting in the chair, it is obvious by looking at him that he has not shaved or washed for over a week

(V.O.) ME
I haven’t seen here for a week now, she said she was going away for a little while, but that she’d be back soon. I haven’t told anyone this but I’ve be waiting, waiting for her. I haven’t moved from this chair.
(beat)
But what about my job...? Sod the bloody job... I couldn’t give a s***, i...
(beat)
what will they say? What will they say when they find out? They won’t find out, how would they? Yes, they won’t find out

INT, HOUSE - 1.50PM 2 DAYS LATER
Me is sitting his in chair, rocking slowly with a scrap of paper held tightly to his chest, his eyes crimson and his cheeks damp

(V.O.) ME
I got a visit today... It wasn’t Claire... Someone named Craig, he also claimed he knew me, all “Hi, how ya doing. Nice day isn’t it?â€

[Bodysnatcher]

I like! would love to see this on screen, just from reading, it shows a real mebtal instability with 'ME'; and his distance from 'Clair' is good, even though she strikes me as some kind of care worker? well done, good script, make sure the footage/editing/camera do it justice.

[chrisgreen]

Thanks for that, and yeah Claire is his careworker.

[Bodysnatcher]

I was wondering who craig is though? is he another care worker? (His short dialogue and the way it is expressed makes him sound more like a 'mate' ), but why does he say it's me 'again'? (I could find no prior reference?

[chrisgreen]

First reference of criag: "Someone named Craig, he also claimed he knew me, all “Hi, how ya doing. Nice day isn’t it?â€

[Bodysnatcher]

if they were both care workers would they not know of each other?

He is also ment to be a social worker, you'll find that the young ones do try and act like ur mate.

I guess that is a way they try and interact with people to try and communicate on a more friendly and approchable level? a tough job in anyones language.

[chrisgreen]

The question you could ask is, does claire really exist? Social services are really bad for keeping track of what each other are doing, Or that happens just as a cause for Me's breakdown. Its meant to be pretty open really

[Mr.Anderson]

That was very good. I love writing scripts like that myself. And I loved that open ending. You should definitely make this into a short film. It would be a great isolation/pshycholgical film. The V/O's are very well written also, good job.

[chrisgreen]

Thanks a lot, i really enjoyed writing it, putting it into production may take some time, but i think it cld be quite good really.

[Bodysnatcher]

any further news on this project Chris?

[chrisgreen]

Nah none as yet mate, i think this script is going to take a back seat for a little while. I would start planning shooting, but because its been submitted to the BSSC if (in the unlikely event) i do win, they have the production rights. I don't wanna plan it, start shooting and then loose the right to shoot. We (neo kino) are currently going through some ideas we have for something else to shoot in the mean time. I'm sure as soon as the competition is over i'll get the rights to my script back, lol.