my script so far

[Jimbobsquarepants]

Hi. I know this isnt in proper script format but plz read it anyway. if u get bored just skip ahead a bit

© METAL HEAD PRODUCTIONS 25/03/2006

Horror Film (working Title)

Titles
An eerie scene. Charlie is pulled out of his house, screaming and stuff, and is dragged away etc.

Scene1
The title scene pulls out of Elli’s eye and she wakes up screaming. It is dark; she looks at her clock which says 3:26 or something. She calls out Charlie’s name, but there is no answer. She gets up and goes to his room, and on the way you see photos of him and his family on the walls. She gets to his room but he isn’t there! “Oh my god!â€

[mr_humble_guy]

First off, this should be in the "Scripts" section. (grrr...)

Anyway, I had a hard time keeping track of everybody. It could have been just how the script was laid out. Are Chelsea and Charlie siblings too? Is everyone else just friends? There wasn't really much time for character development. In slasher films, it doesn't seem to be as important because most everybody just ends up dying. I personally think the audience should care a little bit about the characters who are getting their heads chopped off.

How did Ellie know he was in the woods? Did I miss something?

I thought the suspense and action in scene 7 made it (by far) the strongest scene in the script, but I think that overall the script is rather weak at this point. There doesn't seem to be enough buildup. Maybe it's because the script isn't finished yet, but that's just my $0.02. Take it for what it's worth.

[Jimbobsquarepants]

she knew he was in the woods because she saw it in her dream. chel is ellis sis and charlies brother. I suppose this isnt really a detailed script, beacause the actors already know about they're characters and stuff, but thanks for your constructive critiscism

[JackBauerII]

I agree with Mr. Humble Guy. The script is a little weak. Someone goes missing? Meh. Thicken the plot a little bit. And put your posts in the right forums!

[tambourineman]

who is the man? who is the hobo? why is charlie takin in the first place? that man has a bit of explainin to be doin. they sholuld call the cops

[chrisgreen]

It seems like you know exactly what this should/would look like if you'd have filmed it. But unfortunatly you haven't done a great done in transfering your thoughts down on here. I know you said it wasn't in the right format or anything, but for clarity it is really best to do it properly, if the layour is confusing or unclear (like this) it can draw the readers attension away from the story. The whole thing needs re-working really.

I agree with the others when i say the story is waffer thin, there is seemingly nothing to it. First things first, plot out the storyline on a piece of paper or something, just a synopsis of what you want to happen and when. From this outline you will be able to see which parts of the storyline need "filling out". Also the dialouge isn't brilliant, but i think that's due to the fact its a teen slasher movie with a weak story line.

[rhys]

First off, this should be in the "Scripts" section

Lol, this is the scripts section.

[wildstorm]

Its too long to read. Do you have it on audio tape?? lol Just kidding dude. Sounds really good man:D

[Jperson]

I haven't read it yet, will do (sorry about posting that, just pushing to make my star thing goes up, oh how SAD!!!!!)