S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

This forum is for the discussion of scripts and storyboards. Post your hints, tips or requests here.

Moderators: Admin, Moderator Team

Post Reply
User avatar
britishbulldog
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)

S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by britishbulldog »

this film is being made by me and my freind over easter and is the first big project ive ever tackled its the first script ive ever written and has about 16 actors the budget was £500 but we have gone alittle over and weve managed to buy a hell of alot of guns uniform helmets webbing and props etc its a spoof action film, so it should be funny



honest opinions if anyone can be bothered to read it im not sure if the directions are in italics they should be but its still understandable apologies for the spelling and punctuation mistakes in advance



Scene1

Two men in suits pull up outside a pub get out and walk inside

Mr Z

Sure this is it?

Mr P

Well if it isn’t, were about to look stupid

The two men walk inside and after briefly speaking to the barman walk over to a smoke filled corner of the pub

Mr P

Hey jack, you’re a pretty hard man to find

Jack

Now let’s keep it that way, rack off

Mr P

Got a proposition for ya

Jack

I’ve got a proposition for you, rack off

Mr Z

We’ve got a contract, thought you might be interested

Jack

I don’t do that s*** anymore, so take rookie here and go back to fat camp

Mr P looks at Mr Z with slight bewilderment

Mr P

Were legit these days, we work for the government, nothing under hand

Jack

Well you can tell the government to rack off


Mr Z

Listen buddy we’ve got stuff on you, we could send you down for a long time and remember you practically don’t exist, so who’s going to know if we throw you in jail for the rest of your life

Jack

I don’t care I said I’m not interested

Mr P

Ok I’ll tell you what Jack I’ll leave this envelope here, if you want to, open it, if you don’t we’ll see you round

Mr Z

Might give you a chance to redeem yourself jack… you no what I’m talking about….by doing the only thing you’ve ever been good at, killing…… or you can live out the rest of your days a poor drunk who’ll dance for a buck

Jack

What is my file passed around the board meeting now, you sent me on that mission you knew but you never told me, I saved hundreds of lives.

Mr Z

Was it worth gunning down a child in cold blood?

Jack stands up and looks threatening

Mr P

Come on Mr Z you’ve said enough

The two men exit the pub

Scene 2

Mr P and Mr Z are driving away from the pub

Mr Z

Do you think he’ll show?

Mr P

O yer he’ll show, just don’t you worry, once he finds out he gets to kill terrorists he wouldn’t miss it for the world
Scene 3

Jack silently walks home carrying the envelope, he arrives at his flat, gets into his bed and falls asleep almost instantly. He then has a dream about the fateful mission in which he was forced to kill a child.

A terrorist has a child in front of him whilst holding a remote control for a bomb

Terrorist

Ha ha ha ha, I’m gonna blow this place Jack, and there’s nothing you can do about it

Jack

I won’t let you

Terrorist

What you going to do kill me? Go ahead

Jack

Noooooooooooooooo

Jack lets off a short burst of bullets killing both the terrorist and the small child being held captive

Jack wakes up and sits at the end of the bed he spots the envelope on his cabinet opens it and sits down to read it


Scene 4

Jack carrying a rucksack gets into a car containing the two agents.

Jack

Ok I’m in but I want 10,000 bucks

Mr P

That’s fine

Jack

20,000 bucks

Mr P

Also fine

Jack

30,000 bucks

Mr P

No problem

Jack

40,000 bucks

Mr P

Anything you want

Jack

100,000 bucks and a prostitute not one of those cheap ones, OOOO I want an escort, you no one of those really expensive ones that say “I’m just an escortâ€
Last edited by britishbulldog on Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.
User avatar
XhuntedoverlordX
Senior Member
Senior Member
Posts: 185
Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2005 7:04 pm
Location: Roanoke/Salem, Virginia

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by XhuntedoverlordX »

Your punctuation was kind of poor, I couldn't stand reading this. Can you please go back and add all the question marks you left out?
User avatar
britishbulldog
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by britishbulldog »

yer sorry about the punctuation I thought most of the question marks were in place already and errr i just realised I'd missed out a whole scene between 4 and 5 but ive since added it in sorry for anyonewho started reading it
User avatar
Bodysnatcher
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 206
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:43 pm
Location: Munster, Germany
Contact:

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by Bodysnatcher »

got through it (eventually), can I suggest you put it into a script format for ease of reading? my brain was fried from tryin gto put punctuation in (and grammer, and quote marks etc lol) but to your credit I did finish it, and I must say there were several times when I giggled and smirked to myself, its over the top, steriotypical merc warfare in all the finest traditons, more cliches and daft, pointless, state the bloody obvious jokes needed!
(shame Tony brought the farm before getting it on with Tatiana!) would love to read it again in a more 'readable' format.
http://www.freewebs.com/bodysnatcher-productions
Bullseye
Member
Member
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:34 am
Location: LBC
Contact:

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by Bullseye »

they're not gonna be teenagers are they?
User avatar
britishbulldog
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by britishbulldog »

thanks for taking the time to read it those of you that did, and yes we are teenagers 16-17 sorry bullseye

what do you mean by a more readable format? tell me and I shall try to improve it
User avatar
britishbulldog
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by britishbulldog »

im just posting so you can find it on the main page and can READ it lol
User avatar
Bodysnatcher
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 206
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:43 pm
Location: Munster, Germany
Contact:

RE: S.T.O.R.M (super team of renegade mercenaries)

Post by Bodysnatcher »

what do you mean by a more readable format? tell me and I shall try to improve it
It might just be the way it has downloaded to the forum bu it would be so worth your while checking out a script writting format (ie, the way a script should be laid out in terms of dialogue, cuts, fades etc) to make your script more readable.

If you want I can offer some assistance?
http://www.freewebs.com/bodysnatcher-productions
User avatar
britishbulldog
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 212
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:09 pm
Location: bedfordshire(bedfordistan)

Post by britishbulldog »

yer the format did change when i uploaded it, thanks for the offer but i have already handed them all out so dont worry
User avatar
Bodysnatcher
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 206
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:43 pm
Location: Munster, Germany
Contact:

Post by Bodysnatcher »

no problem at all.
http://www.freewebs.com/bodysnatcher-productions
Post Reply