Read my script and tell me what you think!

[John Groshko]

*Hi there, this is a new script I recently wrote. I won't tell you what it's about. The unpredictability of the script is what adds to the story. I also have 4 pieces of music that utterly "carry" the story, so if you don't have (or) can't find this music, I could perhaps e-mail them to you

Enjoy...*


Track Listings
#1 Seven Years In Tibet - "Seven Years In Tibet" (John Williams)
#2 Seven Years In Tibet - "Quiet Moments" (John Williams)
#3 Seven Years In Tibet - "Regaining a Son" (John Williams)
#4 Nessun Dorma

FADE IN.
(Track #1: 0:00)

EXT. RURAL ROAD (GRAVEL) - NIGHT

A lifeless night is upon. No moon, stars, nor slightest breeze can be felt. Although a rather warm night, a slight snowfall covers most of the ground. An older teenager, ANDREW ADAMSON, is in his 92’ regular-cab pickup on his way to a late-night party at a rural friend’s house. Andrew is a hometown boy from Milton, Alberta. He works in minor positions on the seismic lines in the area for employment. He is clean cut and rather lean; spotting blue jeans and a denim jacket with leather work-boots. He has the face of a hard worker, and somebody that can look after themselves. The blue and yellow lights of the dash illuminate his face.

EXT. TIM’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Andrew drives up to the party in his pickup. Faint pop-cultured music can be heard from within the house, along with the thudding of the bass and people socializing. At the front of the house, a group of people outside can be seen smoking. Andrew pulls into a clearing beside the house, where most other people have parked, and turns off his truck.

EXT. TIM’S HOUSE - NIGHT

TIM STEVENS, and group of other friends around him, meet Andrew when he gets out of his truck with his bottle of whisky in hand. They come walking across the field, away from the house, and pass by Andrew. They seem to be headed towards to bush across from the clearing.

TIM
(Drunk)
Hey buddy, how’s it going?

ANDREW

Pretty good. (starts twisting off cap on the whisky) Party looks happenin.

TIM

f*** rights man. Go check her’ out.

Tim and his friends continue walking on. Andrew begins walking towards the house.

ANDREW
(To Tim, in slight laughter)
Don’t worry. Will do.

(CONT’D) EXT. TIM’S HOUSE (PORCH) - NIGHT

Andrew meets up with some his friends on the outside porch of the house. They share greetings, and Andrew starts drinking. One of those friends is PETER LEHAM, who he seems bond and spends most of his time with.

EXT. TIM’S HOUSE (PORCH) - NIGHT

Andrew’s 40 of JD is almost empty. He lights up a Captain Black Sweet and continues to socialize with his friends on the porch. CRAIG FERGUSEN, a jock, and his friends meet up with Andrew on the porch. A sense of tension can be felt as they glance at each other with their blood-shot eyes.

CRAIG
(To Andrew, drunk)
Fag.

Andrew immediately grabs Craig by his jacket, spins him around, and forces him to his face.

ANDREW
(Drunk and yelling)
You got something you got to say to me you f***?

Peter tries to break the two apart

PETER

Guys settle the f*** down!

CRAIG
(To Andrew)
Just stay away from f*** Whitney, okay? Or I’ll beat your face in!

ANDREW
(To Craig)
Then come pussy, lets f*** go!

MAX WEBER
(AKA, Craig’s best friend)
(To Andrew)
Oh, you think your so f*** tough, uh?

PETER
(To Max)
Hey, you f*** off. This has nothing to do with you.

CRAIG
(To Andrew)
No problem with me, lets f*** do it!

Craig grabs Andrew’s jacket and tries to throw him around. Andrew does the same, and the two just end up pushing each other in circles and throwing fists. Peter and Max go to break them apart, while the rest other the drunken people on the porch start cheering the fight on. After a short scuffle, Peter and Max are able to break their respective friends apart.

CRAIG
(To Andrew)
f*** cocksucker! You’re a dead man you hear me. A dead man!

ANDREW
(To Craig)
Oh, go take that bullshit to your friends you jock!

Tim stumbles in on the situation with his buddies.

TIM
(Still drunk)
What the f*** is going on here? This is my f*** house!

ANDREW
(To Tim)
These jock f*** tried to pick a fight with.

Andrew points to Craig, Max, and there two friends with them.

CRAIG
(To Andrew, sarcastically)
Oh, yeah, sure…

TIM

You f*** tried to pick a fight with my buddy Andy? Get the f*** out of here now!

CRAIG
(To Tim)
You’re actually standing up for this…?

TIM

Get the f*** out’a here now! Go, get out! Get in your truck and leave.

Craig and his entourage try to arrogantly walk away. They get in their vehicle, a fairly new Ford super-cab pushing the $50,000 dollar mark, and start driving down the driveway.

Tim then grabs a beer bottle on the ground beside him,

TIM

You are not welcomed!

He then drunkenly tries to throw it at the truck and missies. Landing in the snow, and smashing itself on a rock underneath.
Andrew stands cold staring at the truck as it drives away. His mouth is moving slightly, as it appears that he is talking under his breath to himself.

INT. TIM’S HOUSE - NIGHT

The party is beginning to die down. Tim is crawling through a closet in the entryway looking for a box of fireworks. Most of the people remaining at the party have gathered outside in the backyard. A highly intoxicated ASHLEY MONROW is carrying a “done-forâ€

[theChad]

That was pretty messed up , but still good. It was pretty well written, and I think it is the first script I've read through compeletly with skimming.

One I was unsure of was how long Andrew kept Whitney locked in his basement for, and if it was like a month or even a week how he managed not to speak to her the whole time so she didn't realize it was him. And if she was locked in a dark basement and blindfolded for a week why was she so calm? I would have been freaking the f out.
Speaking of "f", for some reason, and maybe it was just the forum censor, your swears at the beginning seemed to be out of place.

"Just stay away from f*** Whitney, okay? Or I’ll beat your face in!"

I just of read that 5 times in a row and it didn't seem natural. If I were swearing at a guy I would have said.

Just stay the f*** away from Whitney.

Short simple, and to the point.

Dialogue is always heard to write. Getting into a characters head is a challenge. But I think you did a good job of getting into your main characters voice.