"World of War" ("Re-done "Into the Garde

[UnkindSky]

This is only up to Act Two: Scene Two... sooo its not finished yet. But before i get too far i wanted to know some feedback. Also note that i have edited the first 3/4 pages (Word docs... maybe 2/3 scenes) and that it wont copy in the right format sooooo... dont hound me on the format stuff lol. Ok here it is.

Edit: Oh, and the entire thing isnt the prolouge... just havent come up w/ it yet... soooo... ignore that
____________________________________________________
“World of Warâ€

[maj_barnes]

I'm still reading, but os far it seems good. I just find some stuff a little wordy:

(While on the ground. Speaking to York) Didn’t expect them to do that… thought they would be stunned because of my disregard of my own life… guess they don’t care much.

I guessed why they might be stunned before he said why. Have him start to say his dialoge then maybe have it cut off by a short mg burst or something.

[UnkindSky]

I knew that... lol. Well im glad you caught that cuz i didnt... well i'll change it. Thanks

[UnkindSky]

Did i do that bad of a job?