Crime Film (Two Sentence Pitch)

[OutcastJiob]

Okay, this is a bit unusual, I know, but here goes my two sentence pitch for a story I've come up with.

A well-organized group of thugs decide to use their posession of "TOP SECRET" information to force the FBI to pay a huge ransom. Foreign agents become involved and the situation begins to spiral completely out of control.


So, based on those two sentences, are you interested in hearing more about the film, or not? And, of course, has it already been done?

[UFProductions]

Yes, it sounds like a good solid plot, but it's definatly been done. I'm interested though, especially if it focuses on the political aspects more than gunplay/action. Sounds a bit like a Tom Clancy novel.

[Mr.Anderson]

Im not sure what kind of info they would have to make the FBI pay a ransom though. There's probably a way to get the government to pay a ransom though, maybe a sort of Cuban Missile Crisis sort of thing.

[OutcastJiob]

Not mentioned in my two-sentence pitch is the fact that the story is from the thug's perspective with the FBI and related law enforcement appearing as the antagonists.

UFP: I'm attempting to make it an "intelligent" film and am going to cover possible results of the criminals' actions, instead of focusing on gunplay, so hopefully that will turn out well.

Mr. Anderson: As of right now I haven't decided on what the information is going to be, other than that the revelation of said information would have a violent global impact. What I'm leaning toward right now is the data being the location of several "misplaced" Soviet nukes, but I'll end up going with whatever works and hasn't already been used in a film (if possible).

I'm glad to hear that the storyline sounds decent enough, and I'm doing my best not to rip off existing stories.

[Mr.Anderson]

that should work, sounds good.

[maj_barnes]

You should make it like a Tom Clancy book:
1) Big action part in the beginning.
2) Little action part in the middle.
3) Biggest action part at the end.

[crossfire]

its definetly a nice solid idea, not the most original but definetly useable, the information could be somethin that terrorists can use or maybe mke the information evidence against the government like evidence that the FBI killed kenedy, or da moon landings were fake or hitler was george bush's distant cousin, i dun know but somethin that will make the US look bad.

[OutcastJiob]

I'm thinking I'm going with the "misplaced nukes" idea, but what I'm thinking now is that I'll make them be misplaced United States nukes, instead of Soviet nukes. Not only would their use be catastrophic, but the United States government would be held accountable for the attack. Translation: the criminals can extract an ENORMOUS ransom for the location of the nukes.

How's that sound?

[UFProductions]

It's perfect, just the right amount of threat ot eh country, both physically and politicaly.

[buck_suck]

Do you have alot of money to pull this off? Sure, its a great idea, but do you have a FBI squad or a nuke or that sorta thing? It sounds like the kind of thing only Hollywood Studios do. I used to think of such big scale stuff last time and it didn't turn out that great so I scaled down the entire thing haha. But i dont know your capabilities. If you pull it off well, it has a lot of potential, i think.

[Kentertainment]

You should make it like a Tom Clancy book:
1) Big action part in the beginning.
2) Little action part in the middle.
3) Biggest action part at the end.

Exactly what I was going to say but more along the lines of, if you put 3 big action moments, one at beginning, middle, and end and then the rest of the movie a massive chillfull thriller, I'd be impressed.

If you ever saw "The Interpreter" there is this moment when Nicole Kidman is talking to a man on a bus and all these important story plots are beginning to mix together in one scene, that really gave me the chills for just how good it was. If you could do something like that I'd be super-de-duper impressed.

[buck_suck]

Yes definately. But as independent filmmakers, how many of us can profess to hiring an entire FBI/NSA squad, blowing up a bus, or shooting in the UN as they did?

[Mr.Anderson]

If you did it right, you might not have to even show any missiles or huge props like that. You could just have someone in a ware house on a cellphone to someone at the UN or a senator threating that he has bombs you never actually see. There are ways you can imply massive things with a relatively small amount of actual imagery.

[Bodysnatcher]

Did you get anywhere with developing this idea?

[JackBauerII]

I think that the 'thugs' should be a group of government agents who are coerced into crime by money or something else. People who have government connections could access vital information more easily.

[OutcastJiob]

I actually shelved this idea for a while, but I'm picking it back up again and starting the screenplay over.

If it ever progresses to an actual film I'm making, it'll be like Mr.Anderson said; a lot of the stuff will be implied.

JackBauer: I'm kinda-sorta-almost using a government agent as the source of the information; the crims are going to blackmail an agent into giving them either the information itself, or the means to get the info.

Glad to see people are interested in it--it gives me a lot more motivation to work on it if I know I'm not the only person who thinks it might be good!

[chrisgreen]

Tom Clancy novels - where the american forces will prevail with superior automatic weaponary, lol.

Yeah it sounds decent, as long as you keep it plausable then i imagen it'd be a every engaing film, if there are questionable plot holes then you'd lose a lot (including me, heh heh)

[OutcastJiob]

Haha, so true. . .but then, we all like automatic weaponry ;D

I'm doing my best to avoid any plot holes, or even anything that looks like a plot hole. I want it to be completely believable. This is a bit tough since I'm by no means an expert on government policies for dealing with what essentially amounts to 'terrorism', but the research is interesting enough.

[naflish]

yet another war/terrorism/political propaganda movie..i rest my case..

[OutcastJiob]

Well, thank you for that summary. Are you going to offer suggestions on things I should change, or were you just hating on the idea?

[justin!butcher]

The government has a firm policy that (so far as any of us would know) they have never broken. It is...never negotiate with terrorists. ITs just the way it is. Thats why they dont pay ransoms or release our own prisoners when radicals are going to behead a hostage in Iriaq.
A really cool plot twist is to have the government do it without anyone knowing. Like....pay the ransom behind everyones backs.

[naflish]

its not that i hate the idea,,the plot sounds familiar with sm movie, its just something thats kinda..been there, done that..

[chrisgreen]

Naflish find me an idea which hasn't done before and i'll give you a prize

[OutcastJiob]

Hey everyone. Here's a little excerpt from the beginning of my script. I'd really like some feedback on the flow of action and the dialogue if you can do it. I realize there's probably more "camera directions" in there than should be in a script, but cut me some slack since I'm going to be handling all the filming of it; they're just kind of 'reminders' to myself what I was trying to accomplish with a specific scene.



Black.

Pause.

A phone rings twice and is then picked up.

DANIEL
Hello?

LAWRENCE
We know what you were doing on Wednesday.

DANIEL
What?

LAWRENCE
We have proof.

DANIEL
Who is this?

LAWRENCE
Come to the corner of Redwood and Main, nine o'clock, tomorrow morning. We need to talk.

DANIEL
Who are you?

LAWRENCE
Just be there.

DANIEL
Who--

Click.

DANIEL
Hello?

Silence.



CUT TO

EXT. LAWRENCE'S HOUSE – MORNING

Establishing shot of a middle-class neighborhood.

SCREEN TEXT
Dead Signal Films

Lawrence exits the courtyard of one of the houses and walks to a car parked at the curb, carrying a mug of coffee.

SCREEN TEXT
in association with Infrared Studios

He gets into the door and takes off down the street.

SCREEN TEXT
presents a Ryan Holliday production

Lawrence sips the coffee as he drives, then flicks the radio on.

RADIO
--and confirmed that they will make no concessions to the United Nations. In other news, the White House issued a statement early this morning denying former Secretary of Defense Elliot Stevenson's allegations that during his time in office the United States armed forces had misplaced nuclear warheads. On Monday, Mr. Stevenson had stated that the armed forces had lost track of twenty-three thermonuclear warheads while moving them through the Middle East, and was actively working to cover up the incident while the location of the weapons remained unknown. Directly denying this, the White House press secretary confirmed this morning that all American nuclear weapons are accounted for and being stored in secure locations. In Washington, this is Andrew Ting, reporting for--

Lawrence flicks the radio back off as he pulls up to the curb.

SCREEN TEXT
“Compromisedâ€

[chrisgreen]

Thats really good, the dialouge is great - sounds exactly like something you would see on the big screen (without then saying how cr** it is after). So far so good is all i can say, but now it means that you have to keep it this good, lol.