Crime Thriller Project

[Theshapecool]

Were making a 'CSI'-esque 2 part Crime thriller drama, to break away from horror for a while, the first scene is pretty generic, cheesy 'good cop bad cop' type affair. There will be more scenes posted, but I needed this scene quickly, on screen it lasts about a minute and a half, anyways here it is.

SCENE ONE


(Daniel Ray and Eric Freemantle sit in the office, after the photo's have flashed. Commish Ray is sat at his desk, shirt and tie, and the grieving Eric sits there, nervouse, with casual clothes on, his usual Undercover gear.)

DANIEL: what are we gonna do Eric?
ERIC: what do you mean what are we gonna do?
DANIEL: you gotto get your act together, I'm sorry about your wife, but you gotto move on
ERIC: ITS BEEN 5 MONTHS
DANIEL: 5 months is enough when i got some nob out there taking pot shots at people and steeling there wallets!

(pause)

ERIC: sir I........its hit me hard...but I'm not gonna let it ruin my work.
DANIEL: thats a good attitude, the right attitude. now whats it gonna be?
ERIC: I Miss my wife. Shes dead, shes not coming back....
DANIEL: yeah but hes been put away, justice has been done because of good cops like you.....but we need you straight!
ERIC: HED BE DEAD IF I HAD MY WAY!
DANIEL: now look here, your a good cop and i dont wanna lose you, im sorry about linda but you gotto get yourself together.
ERIC: I....I know
DANIEL: so whats it gonna be?
ERIC: what do you mean whats it gonna be?
DANIEL: I'm asking you, do I write you off on sick for 6 months or are you gonna take this case?
(long pause)

ERIC: where do I start?
DANIEL: dont worry, I'll get all the things you need sent right away.
ERIC: ok, well I better shoot.
(eric walks out)
DANIEL: oh....eric?
ERIC: (pops head back in) Yeah........
DANIEL: thanks....your a good man.

(eric nods)

END SCENE

[Theshapecool]

Let me know what you think, its very cheesey. I basically wrote it in an english lesson, took about 10 mins, and we shot it the afternoon later

[Sebas]

It's ok but it when you read it, it doesn't seem to contain real emotion
maybe you put it in the movie tough but i'ts not to spectatulair

[Sebas]

It's ok but it when you read it, it doesn't seem to contain real emotion
maybe you put it in the movie tough but i'ts not to spectatulair

[Theshapecool]

well its a pretty important scene, it shows that Eric has to move on to help other people and keep his position, the commish isnt too bothered, hes more worried about losing a good cop to tradgedy. its a pretty good scene when we filmed. I didnt quite get what you meant as your spelling was all messed up. but its only a driving scene, its not meant to be ground breaking.

[fi11m-m4k3r]

I actually think its pretty good.

I hope my spelling isnt all messed up, so you can read what i just wrote

[Theshapecool]

lolol, thank you, your spelling is fine, but hey, mines pretty bad sometimes

[Almondo99]

3rd line movie=move?
Anyway it's pretty good, considering its been written in 10min. The dialogue is well written.

[Theshapecool]

thank you, and thanks for pointing that out, I'm telling you I have films on my mind 24/7, I keep on writing movie when i go to write move, its madness.

[buck_suck]

Haha. Trust me, I know what thats like =S