My entry into the competition

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rhys
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My entry into the competition

Post by rhys » Sun Jul 15, 2007 1:49 am

Yep, you read the title. This is mine. I finished it in within a day.
If we can't have course language its going to be kinda plain. Lmao. The name (INH) mean 'insert name here', cos quite frankly, i don't care what their name is. (INH2) is the second 'insert name here' person.

(INH) sits on a chair in the middle of an empty room. His hands are tied
behind his back tighly. We can hear him talking to someone who never enters the screen. (INH) is bloody, bruised and beaten.

(INH)
Look, I got no idea what the hell
your talking about.

His lip quivers. He seems scared.

(INH)
For the love of god I dont know...

Tears fill his eyes.

(INH2) V.O.
Look, if i dont get what i want, I
swear to god, you won't be leaving
here alive. Whats more, is that i
may just have to kill your pretty
"girlfriend".

Hate turns the tears away.

(INH)
F**K YOU!!! DONT YOU DARE TOUCH HER!
I'LL F**KING KILL YOU!!!

(INH2) V.O.
Dead men can't kill.

He calms himself down with the blissful thought in his head.

(INH)
No... but contacts can. Look I know
people. The minute I go missing they'll
send a hitman your way.

(INH2) V.O.
Hitmen mean nothing to me. I have taken
a few lives for cash, it's nothing big.

(INH)
There is a difference between killing a
man and putting a bullet between his eyes
from a kilometer away.

(INH2) V.O.
And how will they find out its me to kill?

(INH)
They have their ways. Trust me.

(INH2) V.O.
Trust you? You wont even tell me where
it is.

He starts to get nervous again.

(INH)
Look, I swear to god, if I knew where
it was I would tell you. I don't even
know what the hell your talking about.

(INH2) V.O.
It's just fucking drugs. If they got
into the wrong hands they could kill
alot of people. They aren't just party
things.

(INH)
So your a fucking criminal? Why don't
you hit me again you stupid f**k.

(INH) is smashed in the face, a large bruise is left in its place. (INH) REALLY
feels the hit.

(INH)
For gods sake, why don't you just get
the bloody conclusion?

(INH2) V.O.
Yep, thats a good point.

(INH2) brings out a gun. It cuts to black, we hear several rounds being fired
into (INH)'s chest.
Hide or fight for your life?

Lawriejaffa
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Post by Lawriejaffa » Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:43 pm

More like a scene from a movie than a very effective short film - also it is a cliche of enooormous magnitude (one im guilty off too) for having the ol' short film follow a captured dude (ala chair) getting tortured - in scene like dialogue hehe

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Post by ctbullet » Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:43 pm

for some reason i read this.....obviously i was disappointed,

rhys you've got some gd skills when it comes to film-making, your acting and gore fx, sorry mate but you're not a writer, leave it to others
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Post by F.F.F. » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:19 pm

What? I thought that it was pretty decent. I say keep at it. Just remember. ALWAYS GIVE IT A BACKDROP! EVERY GOOD MOVIE HAS ONE!

Gone With the Wind - the civil war

Crash - racism

Pan's labrynth - Spanish civil war

It connects all of the people and events in the story.

actually, come to think of it, yours does have one. Drugs.

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rhys
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Post by rhys » Sat Jul 21, 2007 2:18 am

Like alot of amateur movies, its the way the script is played then the way the script is written. We could easily have it boring and flat or we could have it full of emotion and that really hits you, I can't exactly write like that because I never write scripts and I dont know what direction I can still use from normal stories.
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Post by DarkElastic » Sat Jul 21, 2007 11:34 am

That's why you need to practice doing that Rhys, instead of doing tests!
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