My short movie script (Newer Draft, still unfinished)

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solotraceur
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My short movie script (Newer Draft, still unfinished)

Post by solotraceur » Tue May 29, 2007 11:24 pm

Here's a newer draft of the movie script I posted on another thread, this one has a different beginning and some changes and some more added. Some bits are being written by some one else and are missing. They will go where the dotted lines are.

It's still only half way through.

Characters are still referred to as BOY ONE, BOY TWO etc, that will be changed when character names are decided.

Cheers.


‘UNTITLED PROJECT’




FIRST DRAFT




By Dan Allen and Jason Morris




--------------


CHARACTER PERSONALITIES
(For writing guide)


BOY ONE – Watched his parents get murdered in the post-war riots in Oxford. Becomes neurotic, Lonely, Scared etc. Relies on the others for support and company.

BOY TWO – Has a good sense of direction and is good at following tracks. Knows basic survival/hunting skills and first aid.

BOY THREE – Ex-criminal, was captured by NEEP but managed to escape. Tough and level headed. Knows how to fight and how to survive. Leader of the group.

BOY FOUR – Charismatic. Bit of a joker. Tries to be optimistic in bad situations. He keeps the spirits of the group high.

--------------


Black screen.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
Some find it hard to get over their problems whereas others can put it out of their minds and move on quite quickly. I’m afraid to say that I wasn’t one of those kinds of people. I’m not even sure now if I’ve fully gotten over what happened.

DISSOLVE TO:

Scenes of war show. Nuclear bombs and fighting.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
It happened so fast. There was nothing anybody could do to stop what happened. All it took was one bomb to reduce Britain to chaos. One single bomb. It hit London on Christmas day. Wiped out Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Downing Street and half of London in the blast. A whole country’s government and monarchy… gone in an instant.

DISSOLVE TO:

Oxford skyline. Smoke rises over the ‘dreaming spires.’
Sounds of screaming, yelling and shouting. Police sirens can be heard.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
I was in Oxford that day with my family. After the news of what happened in London reached the city, people started going crazy. Riots broke out and many people were killed. I was one of the lucky ones, I survived. My family…did not.

We see a window of one of Oxford’s oldest buildings. Flames can be seen inside. Screams and sirens are louder.

CUT TO:

We see BOY ONE running through a field into a forest, his clothes torn and burnt, his face bruised and bloody.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
I didn’t stay behind like many survivors did. I left the city as soon as I could. I had to get away from the horrors I saw. I fled to the countryside where I thought I’d be safe.

We see BOY ONE huddled underneath a tree, the sky is dark. He shivers, tears stream down his face.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
I lived there in the woods, alone, for two weeks until I was found.

A boot nudges BOY ONE awake. His eyes open and squint up. The smiling face of BOY FOUR looks down at him.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
His name was BOY FOUR and he said he was running, just like me.

CUT TO:

We see BOY ONE and BOY FOUR walking through the woods.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
We travelled together for a few days, and he told me about his family and why he was running. Despite what had happened, he was full of energy. It countered my depression and I liked him travelling with me. He could mask his fear and sadness with humour and in a way, it cheered me up too. It turned out he had a story similar to mine, the difference was I didn’t talk much about it and he wouldn’t shut up! To cut a long story short, eventually we met up with some more travellers.

Camera pans right to reveal two more boys, BOY TWO and BOY THREE walking with BOY ONE and BOY FOUR.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
We found BOY THREE running through in the woods, his wrists were handcuffed. Turned out he had just escaped from this newly formed agency called the Nuclear Emergency Evacuation Program, or NEEP for short. Without a government, NEEP was run privately by some corporation that wanted to round everybody up for some reason.


CUT TO:

We see armed soldiers dressed all in black body armour with the word NEEP on their backs pushing some people around and forcing them into Land Rovers at gunpoint.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
BOY THREE didn’t talk much about them. We were scared of him and didn’t argue when he decided we would travel with us.

CUT TO:

We see BOY TWO’s face. He looks around at the trees.

BOY ONE
(Narrating)
BOY TWO found us. He explained he used to be in the Army Cadets. Trained as a tracker, which explained how he had been following us for three days. BOY THREE, who had somehow become our ‘leader’ said it was vital we had an experienced tracker in our group and let BOY TWO join us. In the end it wasn’t a bad decision, we all got along pretty well considering I didn’t talk much and BOY THREE acted like the boss.

CUT TO:

We see a wide shot of the group travelling through the countryside.

FADE TO BLACK.


BOY ONE
(Narrating)
It wasn’t long before we got ourselves spotted by a group of men, dangerous looking men. They chased us through the woods one morning, threatening to kill us. We just ran and ran. I don’t know how we got away but the events that followed changed our whole attitudes forever…

FADE IN:


EXT: WOODLAND – MORNING.


The quiet beauty of English WOODLAND is shattered by shouts. The four BOYS burst through the thick foliage in a tangle. They pull themselves off each other and look around out of breath.

BOY ONE
Did we lose them?

BOY TWO
Maybe.

BOY THREE
The countryside isn’t safe. England is swarming with psychos.

BOY ONE
Can you blame people? From what happened in London I’m surprised we’ve held on this long.

BOY FOUR
These guys were true psychos though, didn’t you see them? I don’t think they really care about London or anywhere else. Animals.

BOY TWO
I don’t think they followed us this far.

BOY ONE
Where are we now?

BOY TWO
No idea, I lost my sense of direction when I was running but we had better use the rest of today to find somewhere better to sleep tonight.

BOY FOUR
Yeah. I don’t want to wake up again lying on a tree root and finding out that spiders have moved into my shoes.

BOY THREE
Well I did see a path not too far back, I think we should follow it.

BOY TWO
(Shrugs)
Yeah it couldn’t hurt.

BOY FOUR
Is it possible to get any more lost?

BOY TWO
Exactly.

They make their way back through the plant life and find an overgrown trail.

BOY ONE
Which way?

BOY TWO
Well the sun rises in the east, so…

He points left.

BOY TWO
(Cont’d)
This way is north.

They follow him onto the trail.

BOY FOUR
You had better be right.

BOY TWO
Of course I am, it’s basic skills, have I been wrong yet?


BOY FOUR
Do you guys know how far can a dog run into a forest?

ALL
What?

BOY FOUR
How far can a dog run into a forest?

BOY THREE
I don’t know.

BOY FOUR
Halfway, because after that he’ll be running out of the forest.

They all chuckle.

BOY TWO
Very clever.


FADE TO:


EXT. WOODLAND – MIDDAY.

The day wears on and the group still walk the trail.
BOY THREE stops.

BOY THREE
Wait what’s that?

He points into the trees and the group halts.
They move off the trail into the trees.
They come across a seemingly abandoned LAND ROVER. The words NEEP – Nuclear Emergency Evacuation Program are painted on the sides.

BOY FOUR
It’s a ‘NEEP Jeep’!

BOY THREE
It’s a Land Rover, not a Jeep.

BOY FOUR
Yeah but Jeep rhymes and sounds cooler.

BOY THREE
Whatever.

They slowly get a bit closer and notice the Rover is laden with bullet holes.

BOY FOUR
Jeez, it’s been in a war!

BOY ONE
You don’t say.

BOY THREE
Alright guys, don’t get too close. The owners could still be around and we don’t wanna meet any NEEP Enforcers right now.

BOY TWO
Nah we should check it out.

BOY TWO moves closer. They all follow. BOY THREE stays back, moving slowly and looking around.

BOY TWO moves around to the drivers door and tests the handle.

BOY THREE
Wait!

The door swings open and the bullet ridden, bloody corpse of a NEEP ENFORCER slides out of the seat towards BOY TWO.

BOY TWO yells and jumps back in fright. The others all start to yell.

BOY THREE shakes his head.

BOY FOUR
Jeez, BOY THREE was right. We didn’t want to meet one of these guys!

BOY ONE takes another look at the body lying on the floor and he runs to a bush and heaves.

BOY THREE moves to another door and opens it, he climbs inside. In the back he removes a sheet and finds a small arsenal of weapons and ammunition.

BOY THREE
Holy…

He picks up one handgun and a loaded magazine. He inserts it into the gun. He looks around and hides the gun into his waistband.

BOY TWO opens a side door and sees BOY THREE.

BOY TWO
Find anything?

BOY THREE
You could say that. There are about 7 handguns here complete with ammunition.

BOY TWO
What? You’re joking.

BOY THREE
Pass me that.

BOY THREE points to a rucksack sitting in a chair.

BOY TWO
Why? You’re not thinking of taking them with us are you?

BOY THREE
Just give me the bag.

Reluctantly BOY TWO hands him the bag.

BOY TWO
Why do we have to take them though? What use are they to us?

BOY THREE
Safety. There could be more of those psychos we saw. We could even sell one or two to somebody. Besides, you don’t want to leave them here do you? For anybody to find.

BOY THREE puts the guns and ammunition into the bag.

BOY TWO
What’s the difference of us finding them compared to anybody else finding them? We are hardly gun experts.

BOY THREE
Don’t worry, we are just going to move them somewhere safe. They will stay in this bag.

BOY THREE holds the bag out to BOY TWO.

BOY THREE
(Cont’d)
Here, if it will relax your mind you can keep hold of them.

BOY TWO pauses, then he takes the bag.

BOY TWO
The others should know.

BOY TWO gets out of the Land Rover.

BOY ONE and BOY FOUR are still standing by the corpse of the NEEP enforcer.

BOY TWO
Guys, there were guns in the car.

BOY FOUR
Woah really?

BOY ONE
There were guns?

BOY THREE gets out of the Land Rover.

BOY THREE
We’re taking them with us.

BOY ONE
What? No way! I’m not touching guns!

BOY THREE
Calm down, they won’t be taken out of the bag. BOY TWO will carry them.

BOY FOUR
Why don’t we take the ‘NEEP Jeep’ too?

BOY THREE
It’s too risky. There could be more NEEP patrols nearby.

BOY FOUR
What’s so wrong with the NEEP guys anyway?

BOY THREE
You just don’t want to meet any. They don’t take kindly to people like us.

BOY FOUR
Like us?

BOY TWO
Like anyone. They herd you up like sheep and take you to shelters and you have no choice but to give in.

BOY FOUR
Doesn’t sound so bad. Somewhere warm to sleep and plenty of food to eat.

BOY THREE
It’s not like that. The shelters are cold and wet. Wall to wall people. Families are torn apart and put in separate shelters and it’s not just healthy people. The sick and dying are in there too. It’s an illusion. They tell you they are taking you to safety but you’re just being imprisoned for their own uses and I don’t care to find out what those uses are.

There is a long pause.

BOY TWO
We had better find proper shelter; it’s getting late.

BOY TWO swings the bag over his back.
BOY THREE nods and starts making his way back to the trail, BOYS TWO and FOUR follow.
BOY ONE shakes his head and follows.


They follow the trail for a few hours. BOY ONE lingers behind alone.

BOY FOUR
There’s a chimney!

He points ahead.

The others look and see the top of a large smokestack above the trees.

BOY TWO
With a bit of luck it’s part of a large building. We’ll be dry tonight if it rains.

BOY THREE
Let’s move it.

The come to the end of the trail and break through the trees.

CUT TO :

EXT: ABANDONED SITE – AFTERNOON.


A large abandoned site comes into view. A building adjacent to 6 50ft concrete silos and a taller chimney.

BOY FOUR
Well guys, I guess we won’t be freezing cold tonight either!

BOY TWO
It’s not gonna be much warmer in there.

BOY FOUR
Hey, I’m trying to cheer myself up.

BOY THREE
Approach carefully guys. It may not be abandoned. There are plenty of vagrants, psychos and other travellers like us about, remember.

BOY ONE
It could be a NEEP outpost.

They make their way slowly towards the site and move around the outside, looking about.

MAN
(Off screen)
Hold it.

The group swing around in surprise and see a BEARDED MAN in dirty clothing. He aims a double-barrelled shotgun towards them. Behind the BEARDED MAN are two more armed MEN.

BEARDED MAN
That’s as far as you go.

BOY THREE takes a step forwards.

BOY THREE
We…

BEARDED MAN
Didn’t you hear me boy?

The BEARDED MAN looks at BOY TWO and sees the bag held by his side.

BEARDED MAN
What’s in the bag?

BOY THREE
Tools.

BEARDED MAN
I wasn’t talking to you!

He rubs his chin.

BEARDED MAN
Tools eh? Drop the bag.

BOY TWO looks at BOY THREE.
BOY THREE shakes his head.
BOY TWO looks back at the BEARDED MAN and the shotgun aimed right at him.
He releases the bag and it hits the ground with a thump.
The BEARDED MAN motions for one of his MEN to get the bag.

The MAN steps towards BOY THREE.
BOY THREE reaches behind his back and whips out the hidden gun. He holds the gun almost point blank to the MAN’s face.

The BEARDED MAN and the other MAN rush in with their shotguns and hold them at BOY THREE’s head.

BOY THREE
You’re not taking that bag.

BEARDED MAN
Don’t do anything stupid boy. You lay that gun down and back away.

BOY ONE
What the hell are you doing?

BOY TWO
You’re gonna get us all killed.

BOY THREE looks at the MEN. There’s a long pause as he decides their fate.

He relaxes his aim and slowly lowers the gun to the floor.

The MEN follow with their guns.

BEARDED MAN
Good boy.

The BEARDED MAN takes some cable-ties out of his pocket and hands them to one of the MEN.

BEARDED MAN
Tie them up.

They get their wrists bound and let towards the site.

Near the silos is a door way, they approach and an ARMED GUARD steps out to meet them. He moves aside and they step through the entrance.


CUT TO

INT: BUNKER – AFTERNOON.

The group are led down a narrow tunnel.

A number of villagers are huddled against the walls underneath dirty blankets.
Trash bags are piled up beside them.

BOY ONE catches the eye of a GIRL but she looks away.

The group are pushed into a small room and thrown to the floor.
The BEARDED MAN closes the door as the MEN leave and the guys hear it lock.

BOY ONE moves to a corner of the room and puts his head in his hands.

BOY THREE gets up and looks around the room for a way to escape. The room is bare with no windows and only one door in and out.

BOY TWO
Great, now what?

BOY THREE
It’s no problem.

BOY ONE lifts his head.

BOY ONE
No problem? Are you insane? We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you pulling a gun on them! Now they are going to kill us!

BOY THREE
Calm down. I’ll get us out.

FADE TO:

INT. ROOM – EVENING.

The BEARDED MAN stands in the centre of a bare room. Surrounding him are a few of the villagers; the two MEN that captured the guys, a WOMAN and the GIRL who BOY ONE saw.

MAN ONE
So what do we do with them?

BEARDED MAN
I haven’t decided.

WOMAN
You don’t intend to hold them here do you? They could be working for them!

BEARDED MAN
Don’t think I haven’t thought about that…

MAN TWO
It could give us an edge if they are. Information.

WOMAN
Or it could give them a bigger reason to attack again and rip us apart!

GIRL
They don’t look like the others. The way they dress and act. They’re just boys.

WOMAN
They are spies! Here to infiltrate us!

BEARDED MAN
Quiet! They will stay here for tonight. We will question them tomorrow and decide then what we shall do, so I suggest we all just sleep on it.

An ALARM sounds.

A villager runs into the room.

VILLAGER
They’re here!

The WOMAN points at the BEARDED MAN, who is rushing for the door with the MEN behind him.

WOMAN
I told you!

The MEN push her out of the way.

CUT TO:

LONG SHOT OF WORKS – SUNDOWN.

7 or so armed MARAUDERS can be seen making their way towards the bunker entrance. They are grouped together.

TOP OF SILOS

A masked man pulls the bolt back on a sniper rifle. We see a view through the scope, complete with crosshairs. They attempt to steady at the centre mass of one of the MARAUDERS.

LONG SHOT OF WORKS

A loud crack resounds through the works, the MARAUDERS break into a run, and split up. It becomes obvious no-one was hit.

ENTRANCE TO BUNKER

A MARAUDER stands beside the entrance and cocks his pistol. He points it round the corner into the bunker and blindly fires it until it is empty. We see another MARAUDER run to the other side of the entrance. He pulls himself around the corner and raises his gun.

CUT TO UNDERGROUND ENTRANCE WALKWAY

BEARDED MAN
Here they come…

A MARAUDER runs down the walkway towards them, firing his assault rifle madly. The BEARDED MAN is ready with his shotgun, and double taps the trigger at the MARAUDER, who drops to the ground. The BEARDED MAN breaks the shotgun’s barrel open, and loads in two new cartridges.

CUT TO TUNNELS

A group of 15 VILLAGERS march down a tunnel towards the camera. The camera is moving away from them. They are armed with an assortment of melee weapons, baseball bats, planks of wood, shovels, pitchforks, knives, machetes and one of them holds a chainsaw. One VILLAGER leads in front.

They stop at a junction where three tunnels meet.

LEAD VILLAGER
Ok this is the plan. We are going to split into three teams of five and take defensive positions in each of these tunnels; chances are they will use at least one of them to get to the living quarters. We can’t let that happen. Some of you may already know that ammo reserves are almost gone so we will be the last lines of defence when they do. We’ve got to stand our ground and fight like men. Remember that we’re fighting for everybody’s lives. We’re fighting for our families and for our friends and they are depending on us so good luck.

He motions to the VILLAGERS and they all split up and run down the different tunnels.

CUT TO WALKWAY

BEARDED MAN
Lets pull back into the bunker. They’ve never got beyond here, and we’ll make sure those that do don’t get out alive.

He walks down the walkway around blast shields, followed by a villager. The camera suddenly stops following them and turns towards a door. It passes through the door to reveal the group standing silently in the room. They hear gunfire and are all looking around at each other.

CUT TO:

INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT.

Five MELEE VILLAGERS are in a defensive position, looking down a deserted corridor.

VILLAGER ONE
Ok boys, you all know the drill. We wait.

VILLAGER TWO
What’s the count on ammo?

VILLAGER THREE
I heard it’s not good.

VILLAGER FOUR
I hope they are picking their shots. I don’t want to have to take on those animals hand to hand.

VILLAGER FIVE
Don’t worry, they’ve never gotten this far before.

CUT TO:

A group of MARAUDERS run down an empty tunnel. One splits off from the group down a second tunnel. The group disappear around a corner at one end of the tunnel just as a small band of VILLAGERS come around a corner at the other end. They run past the second tunnel but one VILLAGER looks back and sees the MARAUDER looking out of the entrance of the second tunnel. The VILLAGERS run around the bend but the lone VILLAGER runs back towards the second tunnel and chases the MARAUDER.


---------


A MARAUDER stands at the doorway of the room where the guys are kept prisoner, he tests the handle but it’s locked.

CUT TO:

INT. ROOM – NIGHT.

BOY THREE puts his finger to his lips then he moves to the door and puts his ear to it.

CUT TO:

INT. TUNNEL – NIGHT.

The sound of a pistol cocking startles the MARAUDER. Behind him a VILLAGER holds a pistol, aimed at his back.

VILLAGER
Got you, you son of a b**ch! Turn around!

The MARAUDER grins and puts his hand on a GRENADE on his belt. He spins around and pulls the grenade free and holds it above his head in his hands.

The VILLAGER’S eyes widen.

VILLAGER
Drop the grenade!

The MARAUDER grins and pulls the pin free.

MARAUDER
Whatever you say bud.

VILLAGER
No wait!

The MARAUDER releases the grenade.

CUT TO:

INT. ROOM – NIGHT.

BOY THREE still listens at the door.

He hears the grenade hit the floor with a thump.

BOY THREE
Everybody get back!

He dives for the centre of the room. A massive explosion rips through the door. The room is filled with thick grey smoke.

BOY THREE is thrown back into the far wall.

BOY FOUR
Jesus Christ!

BOY TWO runs to BOY THREE. Everyone is coughing.

BOY TWO
What the hell just happened?

BOY THREE
Trouble.

BOY TWO
Are you ok?

BOY THREE
I’m fine. Let’s get out of here.

BOY ONE
Is it safe?

BOY THREE gets up slowly, his body aching.

BOY THREE
If we’re gonna escape, now is the best time!

BOY ONE
I don’t want to go running around out there!

BOY TWO
We’re not exactly safe in here with that door gone.

A long burst of automatic gunfire slowly getting louder can be heard in the distance.

BOY FOUR
What are we waiting for?

They move to the door.
BOY THREE looks out carefully. He sees the mangled bloody corpse of the MARAUDER.

Leaning against the wall is the VILLAGER, badly injured and burnt but still alive.
BOY THREE moves towards him and takes his wrecked pistol, ignoring his moans of pain.

The others leave the room and see the dead MARAUDER.
They then see the injured VILLAGER and BOY TWO runs over to check that he’s ok. BOY TWO looks at BOY THREE who is looking at the pistol.

BOY TWO
What the hell are you doing? This man is hurt!

BOY THREE pulls back the slide of the pistol.

BOY THREE
Damn, empty!

He tosses the pistol aside.

BOY TWO
Are you going to help this man! He’s going to die!

BOY THREE
It’s too late for him. We should hurry or we’ll end up with the same fate.

The VILLAGER’S moans get quieter and less frantic.

BOY TWO
How can you be so cold hearted?

BOY THREE
I was listening at the door. This man tried to stop one of these…

He points at the dead MARAUDER.

BOY THREE
(Cont’d)
…psychos, with an empty pistol and he got himself blown up. He either has balls of steel or s*** for brains. Either way, there’s nothing we can do and we should be grateful that we’re free. Now let’s go.

BOY TWO
Go where? These people are dying! I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this Psycho looks just like the ones that chased us in the woods this morning and I’m not gonna leave and let these innocent people get slaughtered by any more of them!

BOY THREE
Of course I’ve noticed! And I’ve also noticed that these guys would rather blow themselves up than be captured so I don’t want to be around to see what other mindless stuff they’ll do!

BOY FOUR
He’s right. This dude’s been cooked.

BOY TWO
No! There must be something! I know first aid!

BOY THREE
It is too late for that, even with proper medical care and life support machines I think he’s only got a slim chance of survival. That’s if he’s still alive.

They look at the villager, who has gone totally silent.

BOY TWO
What about the other VILLAGERS then? We can’t just sneak away and leave them! There are women and children for Christ’s sake!

BOY THREE
If you want to save these people then you can stay, the same goes for the rest of you. I’m getting away from here and I’m taking whatever supplies I can find on the way.

BOY TWO
Where will you go? You gonna just continue making your way north until you find wherever it is you’re looking for? If we stay and help these people we may just find a place to live with them. It doesn’t look too bad here.

BOY THREE
Sure they are may be surviving here for now, even with these psychos attacking, but when NEEP ENFORCERS find this place they won’t stand a chance.

BOY FOUR
I say we stand and fight and then if we want to leave they may just let us and hey, they may even give us some supplies for the road. Some toilet paper would be good if we start travelling again.

BOY TWO
We can stand here arguing all night but those gunshots are getting closer and people are dying by the seconds.

BOY THREE
And what if we get killed eh?

BOY FOUR
I’m up for all guns blazing, like those old Die Hard movies.

BOY TWO
If we die, it’s defending these innocent people. We couldn’t help what happened in London, we couldn’t stop that war but this is a war we can stop!

The gunshots get louder down the tunnel. At the far end 2 armed MARAUDERS turn the corner, their backs to the group.

BOY THREE
OK. If we’re gonna do it, let’s do it. Let’s take these bastards down! Get behind me and stay quiet.

The MARAUDERS get closer and BOY THREE charges them. He hits the first MARAUDER in the gut, doubling him over. BOY TWO and BOY FOUR grab the arms of the second MARAUDER and take his gun, while BOY THREE knocks the first one out and he hits the floor.

BOY THREE grabs the pistol dropped by the downed MARAUDER.

SECOND MARAUDER
Die! All you maggots will die!

He struggles with BOY TWO and BOY FOUR who still hold his arms.

BOY THREE presses the barrel of the pistol against the MARAUDER’S forehead.

BOY THREE
Oh really?

BOY TWO
Shoot him.

BOY ONE
Shoot him?

BOY TWO
Scum like this need to be shot. Justice for all the innocent people he would have killed or hurt tonight.

BOY FOUR
We don’t even know if that gun is loaded.

BOY TWO
Only one way to find out…

SECOND MARAUDER
I will rip you all open with my bare hands and paint these walls red with your blood! Then I will find your women and your food and satisfy my hunger!

BOY THREE
Not tonight.

BOY THREE pulls the trigger and the MARAUDERS head jerks back as the bullet shatters his skull from point blank range.

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angusware
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RE: My short movie script (Newer Draft, still unfinished)

Post by angusware » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:40 am

The story is good, the dialogue is good and quite convincing, you'll need to work with your actors with some of it to make it sound really convincing.

lots of narration at the start of a film indicates that the writer piked out of writing plot into the earlier scenes, maybe you should work on writing some of that into conversation with BOY ONE and BOY FOUR.

otherwise it's good.

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