Are these scripts too similar?

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maj_barnes
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Are these scripts too similar?

Post by maj_barnes » Sun May 27, 2007 12:28 am

A friend and me are trying to get into that John Woo comp. I finished writing my script then he posted his, I thought mine and his were incredible similar. His response is no there not. I'm just seeing if you guys do. I just want to make sure our idea is as diverse as possible so we have a better chance of not looking like a re-hash of one another's. These are short, so it'll probably take about 6 minutes to read both.


All names in mine are numbers and letters.
Mine
The Fallen are Silent

Michael Barnes

[A long driveway, at two ends are two cars: both pointed perpendicular to the path. At one end is three people armed with pistols, the other: two with a shotgun and a machine gun. The three.]

1

"Thanks for staying."

[In the middle, the left responds.]

2

"We're always on your side, good or bad."

3

"Till' the end."

[They keep facing forward. 1 nods his head in some understanding of this brotherhood. The earpieces they have hisses.]

4

"I spot only two. Can't see if he's in the car or not."

[We are now next to an overpass, a sloping hill from the driveway rising up to it. 4 lay in the grass, a massive Barret 50cal single shot rifle lay trained on the opposing car.]

1

"I'll go-"

2

"No, I'll go. You're too close."

[They all look forward: no change in facial expression, no objection.]

3

"Once you know he's there, escort him back, and bring one of them back for the money."

[The radio barks from interference amplifying 4's transmission.]

4

"Don't worry about a thing- they pull anything, they're taking dirt naps."

[2 smiles. Beat. Face turns back to stone.]

2

"Alright."

[2 pauses then begins to walk to the other side. 3 opens the chamber of the pistol in hand and ensures a round is seated.]

1

"I wasn't expecting a machine gun."

[3's head slowly turns toward 1. 2 reaches the other car. A, who holds a machine gun, lets 2 walk in front of him to the side facing away from his comrades. B, who holds a shotgun turns toward 2. 2 looks forward at B: 2 doesn't look into the car, more or less trying to make the impression to B not to f*** around. 2's eyes slowly move toward the car: they sweep the car- nothing. It's empty. A gun's safety is clicked off behind 2. 2's gun is pulled from its waist and levels at B's chest- his thoughts flash: "at least one's going down." The pistol eject three spent casings: B staggers backwards. The AR15 carbine raises up behind 2's back: the heat from the muzzle blasts scorches 2's shirt. It shreds as the .223 rounds obliterate 2's spinal cord, blowing through that and lodging in various places in 2's chest. The loud rat-tat-tat of the machine gun is reduced to muted pops to 1 and 3: another burst sends rounds banging against the car body. Even if the gun sounds harmless, the screams and shrieks of whizzing bullets say different. 1's gun is pulled out: both 1 and 3 dive behind the car.]

1

"Light 'em up! Light 'em up!"

[1 yells through the radio. The car in the distant explodes from the heavy 50 caliber round: debris is sent upward. Even though the rifle is far away like the machine gun, its sound is nothing like a muted pop, more like an explosion. 4 ejects the heavy casing, and loads a fresh one- A and B duck behind their car- as if a flimsy aluminum body could slow down a heavy bullet traveling faster than the speed of sound. B has two bullets- fragments- lodged in their side. Another 50cal round rocks the car: A pops out from the side of the car and fires off a burst- then another- then another- the breach locks open. Its magazine is dropped out, another is inserted in, slide catch is hit- another burst. 3 pops up and fires two rounds before jumping back to cover as bullet zing across the pavement. 1 pops out and fires off as many rounds as possible- amounting to eight- all of which fly wildly about like leaves in the wind. An explosion, the back of the AB car is now strewn about- still some pieces fall back to earth. B rises up and fires, pumps the gun, and fires again. The windows shatter around 1. The radio crackles.]

4

"I'm jammed. I got a case melted in here. I'll try to get it out, but you guys are on your own for now."

[A machine burst tears through the car, and 1. His shoulder drains blood onto the side of the car.]

3

"Jesus!"

1

"I'm fine!"

[1 turns around the back of the car and fires two more rounds before the slide locks back. 1 ejects the magazine.]

1

"We got to take them: they're turning the car into Swiss cheese."

[1 inserts another magazine.]

3

"Wait until this guy goes to reloads, we'll rush 'em."

[3 pulls the gun around and fires blindly, then replaces the magazine with a full one. The gun fire stops. Beat.]

1

"Let's go."

[1 and 3 jump up running for the opposing car- guns up. 3 fires at B who is rising back up with his shotgun. 1 keeps his gun trained on where A is- they both cover their own quadrants, and ignoring their partner's- totally confident in each other's abilities. 3's gun goes empty, and just as quickly the magazine is dropped. A rises with the machine gun and a tongue of flame burps forth. 1 jumps through the air in an attempt to dodge the pieces of lead skipping on the ground- 1's gun goes off- missing. Hitting the ground, 1 rolls and fires four shots: A tumbles backwards in a cloud of smoke- mostly from the hot lead searing flesh and clothing. B's gun explodes as well- 3's legs are shredded by the pellets of buckshot: 3 drops to their knees. 3 looks up as another volley of pellets demolishes its skull. B ejects the shell, and drops back and begins to reload. 1 jumps up and runs for A- also where the hood of the car is. 1 jumps on the hood and slides across: landing on the side where B is: 1's pistol explodes in sequence with B's exploding chest and head- B topples over. Combat is over. The echoes of the weapons still drift in the air. 1 props up against the car, pulling out a bent and bloody cigarette: it finds its way to 1's lips. B begins to ring. 1 looks over at B: 1 reaches into a pocket and pulls out a cell phone.]

1

"Hello?"

Voice

"Couldn't follow directions I see."

[Beat.]

Voice

"Well, I guess I can't follow them either. Say goodbye."

[There's a pause, another voice.]

Hostage

"Hello? What?"

[1's face cringes a bit. The line goes dead- in more ways than one. The cell phone is lowered: a flock of birds fly off in the distant, the sound of pattering wings fills the air and the missing gap of another life taken.]



The End
His
[Two men are driving to the back of a field. One looks at the other.]

NICK (driving)

Don't worry, she's going to be fine, we're going to get her out of here.

RYAN (passenger seat)

I hope you're right.

[Another man is creeping along lower ground with a walkie talkie (Ian)]

[One man is creeping along the 429 with a rifle (Chuck)]

IAN

Not til she's out of harm's way.

CHUCK

I know.

[Two men stand with one woman (Michael, Daniel, Bethany)]

[Michael with one arm around her neck, the other with a gun to her head]

[Daniel next to their car with a pistol held steady at his side]

[A man is laying on the ground in the woods holding binoculars (Adam)]

[Another man has a rifle laying down across the woods (Tim)]

ADAM

You see the car?

TIM

I got it in my scope.

[Ryan and Nick step out of the car]

MICHAEL

You got the money?

RYAN

Yes! Just don't hurt her.

MICHAEL

Then just give me it, and everything will be okay.

[Nick and Ryan walk back to the trunk and Daniel raises his gun]

MICHAEL

Don't worry about it, he knows what will happen if he tries anything.

[Daniel lowers his gun as the two put theirs from the trunk into their pants]

[They take out a briefcase, walk back up and throw it to Daniel]

[He sets his gun down on the car and opens it up to check the money]

DANIEL

Something's wrong here.

MICHAEL

What?

[Michael lets go of Bethany, walks over but keeps the gun pointed at her head]

DANIEL

It's only half.

MICHAEL

What?!

NICK

Too late.

IAN

Now!

[Michael gets blown back by the sniper shot to his head]

[Daniel retreats behind his car]

[Nick retreats behind his car then Ryan]

[Daniel takes a shot at Bethany and misses]

[Bethany tries to scramble behind the car so Ryan pushes Nick over]

[Nick is out from behind the car and is shot by Daniel]

[Adam finally spots Ian but loudly directs Tim's shot]

[Tim finds Ian and fires into his head]

[Ryan recognizes where it came from and reaches into the trunk]

[Ryan pulls out a grenade, pulls the pin, flips the top, and throws]

[The grenade lands next to Adam and blows him up]

[Chuck finally has a shot of Daniel and takes it]

[Following the sound, Tim looks up and spots Chuck and fires]

[Chuck falls and rolls down the hill]

[Ryan yells for Bethany to run and they both try for the car]

[But not before Tim quickly looks back, fires and hits Bethany]

[Ryan is shocked, saddened, then enfuriated]

[He fires his whole clip into where he thinks Tim is and the gun locks back]

[Ryan falls to his knees next to Bethany in sorrow]

[Tim takes one last shot into Ryan's back and he falls down next to his love]

[Tim emerges from the woods, picks up the briefcase, and drives off]

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Zacatac927
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RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by Zacatac927 » Sun May 27, 2007 12:42 am

i only read the first 50 lines of both of them... but they both are very similar in locale and props... and ideas... cars.. walkie talkies... fields... (you have an obsession with fields barnes?)
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Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by maj_barnes » Sun May 27, 2007 12:46 am

Zacatac927 wrote:i only read the first 50 lines of both of them... but they both are very similar in locale and props... and ideas... cars.. walkie talkies... fields... (you have an obsession with fields barnes?)
Only because it's the only place to fire large amounts of blanks. :)
Last edited by maj_barnes on Sun May 27, 2007 3:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

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RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by UnkindSky » Sun May 27, 2007 3:23 am

I only read the first two lines of them both...I just went off what you and Zac said...sure, they're similar. Lol. You do have an afinity with fields it seems.
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Re: RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by maj_barnes » Sun May 27, 2007 3:45 am

UnkindSky wrote:I only read the first two lines of them both...I just went off what you and Zac said...sure, they're similar. Lol. You do have an afinity with fields it seems.
You know I only wrote first one, right?

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RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by UnkindSky » Sun May 27, 2007 2:34 pm

Yea, so says the words before each "Mine"..."His"
Let god have mercy on my enemies... for i will not...

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Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by maj_barnes » Mon May 28, 2007 1:10 am

UnkindSky wrote:Yea, so says the words before each "Mine"..."His"
lol Okay, I just thought you were relating the two to me to say I have an affinity to fields, sorry.

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RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too similar?

Post by UnkindSky » Wed May 30, 2007 1:28 pm

na, you've just done other movies in fields lol. But like you said, good place to waste blanks :-)
Let god have mercy on my enemies... for i will not...

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Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Are these scripts too simila

Post by maj_barnes » Mon Jun 04, 2007 4:37 pm

UnkindSky wrote:na, you've just done other movies in fields lol. But like you said, good place to waste blanks :-)
haha, soooo. :)

Anyways, here's a still from a scene we filmed Saturday.

Image

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