Shot in the Face!

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F.F.F.
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Shot in the Face!

Post by F.F.F. » Sat May 26, 2007 1:48 am

Here's my script for a dialougue driven film.

SCENE 1

CUT IN.

INT. Car on Urban Street
Two men in black suits sit in a car. CHUCK in the Driver's seat and SHELBY in the back seat.

SHELBY
Hey, Chuck.

CHUCK
What?

SHELBY
The M4 is an M16 carbine, right?

CHUCK
Yeah.

SHELBY
So why don't they call it the M16 Carbine?

CHUCK
What do you mean?

SHELBY
Well, the M1's carbine is called the M1 carbine, right?

CHUCK
Yeah, so?

SHELBY
I'm just saying, why don't they just call it the M16 carbine?

CHUCK
How the hell am I supposed to know!?

SHELBY
I don't know, I was just wondering...

CHUCK
Well stop it! I was in a good mood until you started interrogating me.

SHELBY
Sorry, it's just been bothering me-


CHUCK
I said stop it!



DANNY enters, carrying several styrofoam cups of coffee.

DANNY
Hey Shelbs, could I get a hand with this?

SHELBY
Don't call me that.

DANNY
What?

SHELBY
Don't call me “Shelbs”.

DANNY
Okay sorry, Shelby, just take one of these would you?

SHELBY takes two cups gives one to CHUCK.

SHELBY
You're always calling me “Shelbs”, and I hate it.

CHUCK
Jesus Christ.

DANNY
So when's this guy supposed to come by?

CHUCK
(Checks Watch)
Pretty soon.

The three begin drinking their coffee.

DANNY
Woah,woah! Is that him? Right there!

CHUCK
Yeah, yeah. Thats him.

DANNY
Let's go.


The three exit the car and walk over to SONNY.



DANNY
Hey, buddy. We just wanna talk.


SONNY looks at the men,then takes off running. CHUCK,DANNY, and SHELBY take off after him.

DANNY
s***! Get 'em!

CHUCK
(To SHELBY)
Come on! Come on!

DANNY
Grab him!

CHUCK pulls a gun from it's holster and shoots at SONNY'S feet, causing SONNY to trip. DANNY immediately jumps on top of him, holding him down. CHUCK stand over them, holstering his gun. Shelby arrives.

CHUCK
(To SHELBY)
Go get the car.

SHELBY
Right.
(Leaves)

CHUCK
(To SONNY)
Good thing we caught you. Otherwise, Attica would have had our asses.
And he would have killed you, and your family, too.

DANNY
(Catching Breath)
Do you think anybody heard?

CHUCK
Huh?

DANNY
You think anybody heard your gun?


CHUCK
(Looking Around)
No.

SHELBY arrives in the car. He quickly gets out and runs around to the side to open both doors.

SHELBY
Hey, Chuck.

CHUCK
Okay, let's go. Get him up.

DANNY
(To SONNY)
Get up. Let's go. Come on, get in the car. If you make a sound, I'll shoot a hole in you big enough to drive through.

CHUCK
(Walking to car)
Shelby, you get in front with me, Danny, you get in back with
Mr. Sonny, and watch him.

CHUCK,SHELBY,DANNY,and SONNY get into the car. SHELBY keeps his gun pointed at SONNY.

DANNY
(To SONNY)
Remember what I said about making sounds.

CHUCK
Let's go.

Car starts to drive as opening credits and opening music plays.


SCENE 2

FADE IN

INT. Car containing CHUCK, DANNY, SHELBY and SONNY.
CHUCK is driving.

CHUCK
Where the hell is this place?

DANNY
The guy said it was around here somewhere, he said it was a barber shop.


CHUCK
Yeah? Well there's about a thousand of those in this neighborhood.

SHELBY
My uncle owned a barber shop.

CHUCK
Yeah?

SHELBY
It was called “Sal's Cuts”.

DANNY
Did he make much business?

SHELBY
Yeah, Since my dad ran out on my mom, he used to let me work in there,to support her.

DANNY
When was that?

SHELBY
When was what?

DANNY
When did you start working.

SHELBY
From when I was ten years old till I was fifteen.
(laughs)
Longest time I ever had a job.

CHUCK
Why'd you stop working for him?

SHELBY
(solemly)
One night when we were closing up, a bunch of crooked cops came in looking for “protection” money. My uncle wouldn't give them any. He said that the police were around to protect them from law breakers, not to break the law to “protect” them. So they killed my uncle, and made it look like he had pulled a gun.


The four men are silent for several minutes.


CHUCK
I'm sick of this, I'm gonna ask this guy for directions.

DANNY
Yeah, good idea.

Car pulls up beside a group of men standing and talking amongst themselves.

CHUCK
Excuse me. Excuse me! Thanks. Umm, could you tell me where...
“Vinni's Barber and Salon” is?

VINCE
Yeah it's up this street, till you hit the light, then left a couple of blocks.

At this point, SONNY has recognizing VINCE as a friend and fellow gang member, starts kicking CHUCK'S seat.

CHUCK
Hey! Cut that out! Shelby, watch him!

VINCE
Sonny? What the hell is going on?
(Reaches his hand into his jacket to retrieve his gun.)

CHUCK, seeing VINCE'S movement, quickly draws his weapon and shoots VINCE. The men, to whom VINCE had been talking earlier, now pull their weapons and shoot at the car as it speeds away.

DANNY
(Looking behind)
s***! s***!

CHUCK
Shelby! I told you to keep him still.

SHELBY
I'm sorry Chuck.

CHUCK
Sorry!?

SHELBY
Sorry.



CHUCK
Damnit Shelby! Is sorry gonna make my arm stop bleeding all over Attica's car upholstery?!

DANNY
They got you!?

CHUCK
Don't worry about it.

SHELBY
I'm sorry.

CHUCK
It's okay! I'm alright! Is anyone hurt?

DANNY
No.

SHELBY
No.

CHUCK
How about our friend, Mr. Sonny?

SHELBY
He's fine.

CHUCK
Good. Let's just take him to the drop point and get the hell out of here.
s*** this hurts.

DANNY
How bad is it?

CHUCK
Not too bad, but it sure feels like it is.

Car slows and makes strange noises. Then stops completely.

CHUCK
s***. Oh Jesus Christ.

SHELBY
(Getting out)
What the hell is going on?



DANNY
Jesus, Shelby, isn't it obvious?
They got the car.
(Kicks the side of the car.)
Jesus.

SHELBY
What are we gonna do?

CHUCK
We're gonna walk the rest of the way.

The four men leave the car and begin walking.

SCENE 3

EXT. Street/Alleyway

CHUCK, DANNY, SHELBY, and SONNY are walking, slightly briskly, CHUCK holds is arm, and SHELBY keeps his gun against SONNY'S back.

SHELBY
Yo, CHUCK, this guy's in big trouble, huh?

CHUCK
Yeah, Shelby, I guess he is.

DANNY
Hey Chuck.

CHUCK
What?

DANNY
How long have you been working for Attica?

CHUCK
Kid, I've been working for Mr. Attica since you were in diapers.

DANNY
How many people have you killed?

CHUCK
I don't know.




As the four men exit the alley, a car pulls up containing members of SONNY'S gang. A shootout begins. SHELBY ducks behind several trashcans with SONNY, while DANNY knee's beside a fire escape and CHUCK stands in a doorway.

SHELBY
s***!

CHUCK
Shelby! Get your a** back here! Get Sonny!

SHELBY grabs SONNY and begins to run towards CHUCK and DANNY through the haze of gunfire. A burst of automatic fire sends SHELBY and SONNY to the ground.

DANNY
Shelbs!
(Runs over to SHELBY, and realizes that he is dead)

SONNY gets up and runs towards his gang. CHUCK shoots him, and SONNY falls to the ground, dead. While terror sets in on DANNY, a hail of bullets hits him.

CHUCK
Kid!
CHUCK runs to DANNY, kneels, and seeing that he is hurt, unloads his clip on the opposing forces.

DANNY
(Weak)
Chuck.

CHUCK reloads his gun and empties that clip on the opposing forces, effectively ending the gunfight.

CHUCK
(Holding DANNY.)
Hey, Danny.

DANNY
(Struggling)
Chuck...they got me. They got me bad.

CHUCK
No,no. I've been hurt much worse.

DANNY
Hey, Chuck.

CHUCK
Yeah, Kid?

DANNY
(Shaking)
Why'd you start working for Attica?

CHUCK
(On the verge of tears)
I needed the money.
You?

DANNY begins coughing, still shaking and growing pale.

CHUCK
Just relax. Help's gonna be here soon.

DANNY
I thought it would be fun.

CHUCK
What?

DANNY
(Smiling, crying.)
I thought it would be fun.
I thought it would be fun...

As DANNY dies in CHUCK'S arms, emergency sirens can be heard in the distance, growing closer.

FADE TO BLACK

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RE: Shot in the Face!

Post by UnkindSky » Sat May 26, 2007 5:11 am

That was pretty good. The dialouge was great and with some good actors this would make an awsome short!
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RE: Shot in the Face!

Post by F.F.F. » Sat May 26, 2007 5:13 am

Thank you. I think the acting really has to be close to perfect for this to work.

Also the title is "The Orphans".

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RE: Shot in the Face!

Post by UnkindSky » Sat May 26, 2007 2:33 pm

See, I wish I could write dialouge like this...however, I am preatty much lacking in that area lol
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Re: RE: Shot in the Face!

Post by F.F.F. » Sat May 26, 2007 3:43 pm

UnkindSky wrote:See, I wish I could write dialouge like this...however, I am preatty much lacking in that area lol
Ah, you'll do alright.

But as for costumes, I'm thinking black suits for SHELBY, CHUCK and DANNY, since they're professionals.
For Sonny, a track suit? Or at least the jacket of one.
And for SONNY'S gang, just jeans and some wife-beaters, and some jackets, and such.

Also, I'm just using handguns for the guns, except for one gang member, who will have a Mac 10.

For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, the three main charracters are not actual oprphans, but Orphans of Society.
Last edited by F.F.F. on Fri Jun 01, 2007 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by F.F.F. » Mon May 28, 2007 4:48 am

Here's a teaser poster I threw together.
Image

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Post by angusware » Thu May 31, 2007 8:06 am

watch out, in some of your lines you hvae repetition, repetition, in the dialogue in an un-natural, un-natural way. [way]

otherwise good, although all the characters seem to have the identical character at the start and they only change a little, perhaps giving them unique
ways of talking on paper they all look like the same person with a new name, don't wait for the audience to be able to differenciate, because good writing will have
unique characters from the first draft.

it is good, you should use a hand-held feel through-out the movie!

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Post by ctbullet » Thu May 31, 2007 3:17 pm

liking it, do you have a 50 year old actor to play chuck?

also

'''i'm hurt...... hurt bad'

seems like 1970s godfathery style dialogue, not original
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Post by F.F.F. » Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:10 am

Thanks! A fifty year old actor is EXACTLY how I picured Chuck. Glad you saw it too.

I think you mean sixties, but I see what you fellas mean by repetition. But, I sort of mean for these to be a little loose. ( I want to explore add libbing to make it sound more conversational. i.e. Tarentino's style)

I'm so excited for your input.
Thank you!

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Post by UFProductions » Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:16 am

Very well done, made me want to film it, which is usually a good sign! Keep up the good work, and keep us updated on this project.
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