Untitled Script.. Need Ideas

This forum is for the discussion of scripts and storyboards. Post your hints, tips or requests here.

Moderators: Admin, Moderator Team

User avatar
youngfilmmaker
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 443
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:55 am
Contact:

Post by youngfilmmaker » Sun Apr 15, 2007 7:08 pm

Lol Nice title Jperson.
www.freewebs.com/skyrocketstudios

The majority of Americans - the ones who never elected you - are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction.
-Michael Moore

User avatar
Jperson
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
Posts: 699
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:54 am
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Post by Jperson » Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:34 am

Why thank you. :D
[url=http://tinite.com][img]http://onstoryline.com/Atinitefilmsstrip.gif[/img][/url]

User avatar
kene555
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
Posts: 576
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2006 2:06 pm
Location: North East Ohio, USA
Contact:

Post by kene555 » Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:01 pm

Just thought it was interesting...soon after posting this idea for a movie it actually happens...

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/16/vtech.shooting/index.html
Last edited by kene555 on Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
CREATE FOR THE SAKE OF CREATING

http://www.neighborhoodstudios.com

User avatar
youngfilmmaker
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 443
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:55 am
Contact:

Post by youngfilmmaker » Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:34 pm

No, there is no connections. Its sad that this had to happen. Our prayers are with the families of the victims.
Last edited by youngfilmmaker on Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
www.freewebs.com/skyrocketstudios

The majority of Americans - the ones who never elected you - are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction.
-Michael Moore

User avatar
angusware
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 272
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2006 12:38 am

Post by angusware » Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:47 pm

or perhaps you should call it something that a ten year old would come up with in fifteen minutes? (Metronome)

Metronome1
Junior Member
Junior Member
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:57 pm

Post by Metronome1 » Thu Apr 19, 2007 1:57 am

angusware wrote:or perhaps you should call it something that a ten year old would come up with in fifteen minutes? (Metronome)


I'm only trying to help.

Call it "Massacre in a school by a Torture Kid" for all I care, now.

User avatar
Jperson
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
Posts: 699
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:54 am
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Post by Jperson » Fri Apr 27, 2007 4:58 pm

Call it 'For All I Care'. Thanks Metronome, that's a great title you just gave me. 'For All I care'. If you don't use, I'll use it, unless it already is a film.
[url=http://tinite.com][img]http://onstoryline.com/Atinitefilmsstrip.gif[/img][/url]

User avatar
Mr.Anderson
Posting Freak
Posting Freak
Posts: 301
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2005 2:11 am
Location: United States of America

Post by Mr.Anderson » Sun May 13, 2007 6:56 pm

In all honesty there isn't much to these characters. Theres no reason to sympathize with any of them. Kai, I would suppose, is the rational figure, but all in all hes a pretty standard backup friend. The "Don't do it dude" guy. We have no explanation of Pete, Ray, or Johnny's actions. Our implied explanation is "I am Johnny. I beat up Mike because I am an as_hole." These characters are purely actions, you are using them merely as tools to move the story. Which, in truth, is what they are for. But if you want to create some sort of emotional bond to any of them, there must be further explanation for there actions, not just their actions and then the consequences. Maybe make Kai the reluctant accomplice who doesn't want to shoot anyone, but just takes up guns with Mike to try and possibly keep him from killing people.
Maybe in a scene Mike asks Kai if a person on the floor is alive, Kai knows that they are, but says no, they're dead to save them. If you want a different type of view on this story, then I would suggest rewriting it from Kai's view. The perspective of someone who is the only person that can see Mike unraveling and getting worser by the day, and the only person who even cares. Once the shooting begins, perhaps Mike is shooting people, but in a struggle Johnny is able to mortally wound Mike. Kai sees this and kills Johnny. When the police come in Kai is holding a dead Mike, and so the only shooter left is the most innocent one. And he is blamed.
Maybe you don't have to go down such a tragic route, but still. I suggest a rewrite. Your script now only has the depth of a very generic action movie. These are one line characters, they only exist to at some point do one specific thing or say one specific line to which the main character will react. This could be good, you just need more.
"People can misinterpret almost anything so that it coincides with views they already hold. They take from art what they already believe."

-- Stanley Kubrick

F.F.F.
Senior Member
Senior Member
Posts: 154
Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 12:02 am
Location: The Land of the Free
Contact:

Post by F.F.F. » Sun May 20, 2007 3:59 am

This all sort of sounds like Carrie.

User avatar
Jperson
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
Posts: 699
Joined: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:54 am
Location: London, UK
Contact:

Post by Jperson » Wed May 23, 2007 5:05 pm

Call it "The Day I Gunned Down School"
[url=http://tinite.com][img]http://onstoryline.com/Atinitefilmsstrip.gif[/img][/url]

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest